


Anything For Her

by Chanyeolspout



Category: EXO
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 07:38:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10271615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chanyeolspout/pseuds/Chanyeolspout





	1. Chapter 1

"... and what animal will we not find in the jungle??" Hana sang out loud.

"Cows! Dogs! Dolphins!" Shouted the 15 kids looking at her with smiley faces.

"Everyone did so well today," she complimented them "can we all help tidy up the classroom before the bell rings?"

Each of the kids had one task - gather up crayons, pick up papers, organize the toys, clean the whiteboard... but as soon as the bell rang, all tidying was left behind as the kids put their coats on quickly and exited the room like lightning.

She looks around wondering how tiny humans can make such a big mess, but she knows she wouldn't change her job for anything in the world, so she turns on the radio and tries to organize the books on the shelves.

After tidying up a little longer, Hana goes out to the reception to check that all kids had been picked up, whether any parent wanted a catch-up, and sneak a cookie from the lounge. The receptionist nods towards a figure sitting by the door.

"Eun-Hee, is dad coming to pick you up today, or is it grandma's day?"

"Dad. He just says it's hard to get across town at this time," Eun-Hee sighed.

Hana's day is far from done after the bell rings, so she invites Eun-Hee back into the classroom "Do you want to play teacher's assistant with me?"

The cute face lights up, and they go on back to the classroom, they continue tidying the materials and singing together. Eun-Hee lifts up the tiny chairs, Hana sweeps the floor. Eun-Hee wipes the tables, Hana wipes the rest of the whiteboard. They have a good rhythm going. 15 minutes later, there's a knock on the door.

"Dad!! Look, I got a job!" Eun-Hee exclaims, showing him a tray of play dough.

"Heeeeey are you going to start making money and buying your own toys?" Chanyeol laughs while he hugs his kid, silently mouthing thank you to Hana. "Eunni, why don't you use the restroom, get your stuff and we'll go for a walk and a quick snack before dinner?"

As the little one closed the door, he says "I thought I wasn't going to make it, traffic is horrible"

"No worries, she did a good job helping me with tidying up, and she's an angel, I wish all the kids here were so well-behaved"

"Angel?? She's obviously not drawn on your walls... But is she adapting ok? I worry so much now that I'm back at work and she's not with me."

"She's good! Bright kid, very lively. Quite the prankster, she says her uncle taught her jokes??"

Chanyeol make a mental note to tell uncle Baekhyun to ensure the more "advanced" jokes are not passed on.

"Thats good to hear. Has she mentioned anything about..." he murmurs.

"No. She doesn't seem to be putting together that most kids have a mom and a dad and you're on your own," Hana bites her cheek thinking she may have overstepped her boundaries. "She speaks about you with joy, so I don't think she's having any issues, if that's what you're worried about?"

"She's never spoken to me about it, but I'm worried that she knows what happened and isn't talking to me because she's afraid I'd be angry, or upset, I don't know," Chanyeol admits, running his hand through his hair.

"I think she's just fine. Give it time. If you both need professional help...."

Just as the conversation was about to turn more serious, Eun-Hee appeared again.

"Are we going to the ice cream shop??" She says, hugging her dad's leg.

"Mmmm sure you don't prefer some hot steamed milk? It's getting cold out there!"

"I guess... but then I get ice cream for dessert!"

"Haha, we'll see about that!" Chanyeol is zipping up Eun-Hee's coat, and adjusting her scarf.

"Thank you so much, Hana. I owe you one for the long wait!"

"Don't worry about it" she waved them goodbye.

\---

Hours later as she got home, her husband greets her "You stayed late, everything ok?"

"Yes, at first one kid's parent was late so I didn't get to start planning tomorrow's lessons until they left"

"That's awful, I remember my parents forgetting to pick me up once!!"

"Not like that. This guy is a single dad to his daughter. Awful story, really...."

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize, what happened?"

"I don't know all the details, but at registration he asked to speak to me once he found out who would be teaching the class. He was a bit unsure about the whole situation, his wife just up and left one day leaving a note behind when the kid was only 18 months old. He's been a stay at home dad to her since then until the start of the school year, and I guess getting used to dropping her off, going to work, and rushing back to pick her up it's a bit much"

"She just left them??"

"Yup. Like I said he's not told me a lot more. I just know the guy's story and there's been a couple of times when he's 20 minutes late and stuff.... I would feel awful leaving the girl to wait at reception, so I employ her as my trustworthy assistant to clean up, haha"

"Poor kid. She must be torn"

"I don't know, I think he's doing a good job. She sees kids whose mom and dad both arrive to pick-up time and she doesn't seem fazed. She seems very happy with him, his mom sometimes comes to collect her and she loves her too... but he's very hands on. He's always asking how she's doing. I think he's worried, you know?"

"I know I'd be worried if you left me, never mind me AND the kids!!"

Hana punches him in the arm, and heads towards the kitchen.

"Anyway, how was your day?"

"Before I forget, Y/N called about dinner at the weekend, I told her we were both ok with it, correct?"

Hana remembers she has to call her baby sister after dinner.

\---

Across town, after an afternoon walk to the park, a quick dinner, and yes, a scoop of ice-cream, a tired dad is helping his daughter brush her teeth.

"Up and down, sideways and then circles! Your teeth will be white and healthy! Ready for bed???"

The hallway in their apartment is decorated with photographs of the two of them, drawings she made, memories of their walks.

It's an apartment, but it's their home, messier than it used to be now he has to work full time and can't clean up every day. Meals are not as elaborate but he tries to keep it healthy.

Her bedroom is decorated in shades of green. Her mother had decorated it pink and he didn't want a single sign of that color after she left.

After reading her a chapter of a book, he kisses her hair and says "ready for sleep, sweetie?"

"Dad? Can you sing me something? I miss all the songs we used to sing before I had to go to school"

"Of course we can," he thinks "anything for you"

  



	2. Chapter 2

The only way you can describe the last 36h is: chaos.

You got to work on time, to find out 2 of the techs were out sick, meaning the rest of the staff were running behind picking up slack. Then you saw the board.

You forgot you had to be on call tonight at the emergency clinic. Your least favorite once-a-fortnight task.

It's not that you dislike your job, it's just that overnight calls at the emergency room mean injured fighting dogs, cats that get accidentally run over in the dark, and all the bad stuff you can imagine.

"I didn't think about this in vet school" you think to yourself, trying to remember when you were 7 and decided you'd be a vet, you thought you'd be petting puppies and playing with kittens every day...

You try to put a smile on your face, try to focus on the positive stuff today: routine check-ups for 100% healthy animals, surgery discharges to happy families eager to get their dogs back, little kitten licks, and lots of fluffy cuddles. You try to forget that you forgot your lunch at home (hi vending machine crap), you didn't remember about the on-call so you have no dinner (hello again old friend), and worse, no change of clothes. Yuck.

Which is why when you stepped inside your apartment and took your shoes off, your feet almost audibly let out a sigh of relief. Just as you were coming out of the shower and getting your pjs on, ready to pig out on delivery pizza and go to bed for a week at least, the phone rang.

\---

"So now that we've all drawn our favorite toy, I want everyone in the classroom to pack their bags and get ready to go home - no cleaning up tonight!!"

The kids were ecstatic, obviously. Some were too excited and the stampede towards the door was like a tiny version of the hunger games.

"Noooooo" Hana heard from the side of the room. As she approached the corner, the yell became tearful screams.

"It's broken it's broken it's broken..." Eun-Hee's face was bright red, she was sitting on the floor holding her teddy's dissected arm on her hand.

"Oh sweetie, it'll be ok, I'm sure dad can help you get another toy"

Big mistake. Here come the screams.

"This is my favorite toy, he is my best friend, I don't want another best friend, I want this one!!"

"Eun-Hee?? I'm here to take you home!" Chanyeol sang from the doorway, before his face crumbled at the sight of his daughter in a puddle of tears and the poor arm-less teddy in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Chanyeol, she is just so upset about it. I think the toy got caught in the mayhem when the bell rang and ..." Hana apologized.

"Do you mind if I sit here with her and try to calm her down before we head home?" He questioned, and as he saw the teacher nod in agreement, he kneeled at his daughter's side.

"Dad it needs to be fixed, look, he's in pain, I can't have my best friend not have an arm, and he needs an arm, because we have to hold hands and that's my side, and, and..." she sobbed.

"Ok, sweetie, how about we go home and try to ...errr.... stitch it back up? Like a vet would?"

"You send all your buttons to grandma to fix!"

As Chanyeol tried to soothe the little one, Hana was tidying up the classroom when she heard that funny line, and she thought of a plan... it's just she knew you wouldn't like it.

\---

Upon seeing the caller ID you became less furious, because a call from your sister could be transformed into company for delivery pizza, so you happily picked up.

"Heeeeey big sis! I just got off work and I was hoping for a good catch up!"

"Ok, Y/N, maybe later after you do me a favor?" Your sister used that sweet tone she always used as you were kids when you had to cover for her.

"I just got off a 36h day, what favor could I even do for you when I can't even see past my hands right now??"

"I've a recently injured guest in the classroom and I think we need professional veterinary help"

"Hana what the what? You work with kids, not dogs?"

"Just.... don't ask. Can you come over to see me at school? Bring a sewing kit! I'll buy you pizza for dinner and throw in a bottle of wine!!"

Deal.

\---

Your wet hair was messily tied up to avoid frizz, and after throwing a sweatshirt and leggings on, you drove to see the "injury" your sister was so weird about.

She was waiting for you at the gates.

"So, there's this kid whose teddy got caught in the middle of other kids leaving class and the arm came unstitched and she's really upset"

"Dude. Tell the parents to get her another, really!" You were about ready to turn on your heels.

"Please! I feel really strongly about this kid, and she needs help, she's had a rough time so far.... come oooooon, baby sisssss" she pleaded with big eyes.

You resigned to your fate and went in. As your sister opened the door to the class, you saw the kid. And the bear. But you also saw the father of the child.

This guy was Cute. Capital C. And you were in messy wet hair and clothes that could well be from a dumpster. Grandma was right when she said you should always dress as if you're walking down the red carpet. You should've listened. "Bah," you thought to yourself "he has a kid, he's married, all the good ones are taken or gay"

"Chanyeol, Eun-Hee, this is Dr Y/N, she's a very good veterinary doctor, and she sees cases like this every day. Doctor, do you think you can help us with this injury?"

My, your sister sure sounded sweeter to her students than she ever did to you.

"Well sure, let's clear up a table!" You chirped, and realized you were quite more excited for HIM than for the teddy. Keep it together girl, you muttered to yourself.

As the three of you sat in impossibly tiny chairs, knees almost touching your ears, you concentrated on stitching up the arm as best you could, while whatshisnamecuteface sang a song to his daughter.

"Aaaall done! I recommend a small period of recovery, keep movement to a minimum and make sure to drink plenty of fluids. Maybe you should also share some chocolate with him!" You told the little girl.

Then she gave you a hug and you almost lost all control. Alright yes you were mad at your sister for playing you like this, but ah, kids hugging you out of nowhere was your weakness.

As you all stood up and Eun-Hee was putting on her coat, Hottie McDad nervously touched his neck and turned around to you.

"Thank you, really. You didn't have to do that, I could've possibly asked my mom to help... anyway, thanks, Y/N? Was it Y/N?" he smiled at you.

"Yes! And no problem!" You extended your hand to him and his hand more or less swallowed yours whole. Those were some big hands.

They were leaving the room and you turned around to your sister "Damn you didn't say there were hot guys coming to pick up their kids! I gotta get me some of that hot husband action!!"

Hana giggled slightly but she had an odd look in her eyes.

"What?" You asked.

"Not the best of words, honey... I have a soft spot for Eun-Hee, considering all she's been through, and I've probably only been told a small amount of the truth" she actually looked sad.

"I'm sorry, I mean, I don’t know anything, and you have to admit, even your married ass has got to admit - that's a reeeeeally cute guy" you jabbed her in the ribs.

"Ah, Y/N, we have to find you someone, can't have you going around thirsty for all the cute guys you meet!"

"Sis, if you think one cute guy with a kid is a good view.... I get cute guys with cute dogs at work all the time. The techs play rock paper scissors to be on hand for each hot guy that comes in!" You laughed.

"Haha, unbelievable. What's it about cute guys with kids and puppies!? What do they do to us women, huh?? Anyway, how about you help me tidy up in here, I'll call darling hubby to say I'm having dinner with you, pizza and wine on me, I didn't forget!"

You wouldn't forget the cute dimple on Chanyeol's left cheek for sure, you daydreamed as you cleaned up the whiteboard.  



	3. Chapter 3

Sunday mornings are your favorite time, especially after a long week with unexpected stuff happening. On Saturday the nervous energy accumulated during the week needed to get out somehow and you ended up cleaning your entire apartment. At least it was a productive type of energy burn, unlike the previous weekend which consisted mainly of pizza and beer...

Seeing how you were entirely free of any sort of housework to do today, you decided to get out with your laptop and books and hit a brunch spot to enjoy the hours of sunshine, which were fewer and fewer as winter approached.

You bagged a big table as soon as you arrived, ordered waffles with bananas, and a huge latte. While you needed to study a little, you thought you'd browse the internet a little bit while you got your food. There were concerts and exhibits in the city that you wanted to go to, but all your attention and spare time was currently devoted to applying for further education programs - specialized courses on surgery and advanced procedures, which should get you a pay rise, or at least more bargaining power than the standard veterinary grad.

Tucking into your waffles and enjoying your hot drink, you barely heard the door open before you heard a squealing voice.

"Dad, look!!! DOCTOR Y/N!!!!" A little girl was pulling on her dad's hand when you turned around and recognized them: hot guy, sweet girl. You felt your stomach flip in love upon seeing the two of them wearing their warm sweaters and scarves, but you got up and said hi, since the entire place now knew your name.

"Well hello there, Eun-hee? That was your name, right?? How is my former patient?"

She pulled her teddy bear out of her little backpack to show you, and while she struggled to zip it back up, you looked up to her dad's eyes.

"Hey...uh," your mind is blank. Absolutely blank. Great timing. "I'm so sorry, I forgot your name?" you could barely form a sentence when you looked at him.

"Chanyeol" he smiled, "Eunni we need to order and find a table, ok?"

"She has room, look", the little girl pointed out to your table.

"No sweetie, there's a lot of books there she probably is waiting for friends...." he couldn't even get the words out before his kid had sat at one of the chairs.

"It's ok," you comment, "I'm alone, just having brunch and looking at my books, you can sit with me."

Eun-hee had sat down already, smiling at her dad, who gave in and took the seat opposite yours, next to his girl, and ordered some food for both.

"What's all this," he asks looking at your books "are you still in school?"

"No, advanced courses - there's always new stuff to learn, such as bear surgery," you giggle and make him smile. So many teeth. You have to keep reminding yourself that he's not yours to flirt with.

"Hey kiddo, do you want to color?" He asks her, pulling a book and crayons out of his messenger bag, and she cheerfully agrees.

"Is this daddy/daughter time? I can just look at my books and not bother you guys..."

"Everyday is daddy/daughter time here," he strokes Eunni's hair. "I'm a single dad"

You're lost for words for a second. A part of you is thinking "SCORE!", while a part of you is also sad because the way he said it wasn't particularly encouraging.

"Don't look sad, it's ok," he reassures you, as if you had to be, when it should be the other way around. "It's been like this for a while already"

Your silence is deafening.

"Hey, please! Don't feel sorry! We are doing great now, really. It's been a bit of a tough couple of months since she started school and I'm now working full time, but we're working the kinks out!" He smiles at you.

"I can't really imagine taking care of a kid all by myself. I can't even keep a plant alive," you shake your head and see Eun-hee's trying to color something really small, so you turn to her, "you know, your stuff seems a lot more fun than my books. Can I help you?"

You color with Eunni for a little while, and as their food arrives he's asking you details of your life, where you went to school, how you knew you wanted to be a vet, you both laugh at how he hadn't known Hana was your sister, and Eunni comments she's her "most favorite teacher", to which Chanyeol quips "of course she is, she's the only one you've had in your life!!"

Tit for tat, you ask about his life.

"I was a musician at first, but once my her mother left and I had to look after Eunni by myself, touring wasn't very helpful. I stayed home with her for a couple of years while I took some courses and when she started school I got a job as a sound engineer and instrument technician at the opera house. I make sure the sound travels nicely, level out any spikes, that sort of stuff"

"Wow! I've been there for shows! Awesome place to work at!" You sound like a stupid fangirl drooling at everything his voice says.

"It's ok. I miss being with her all the time, but I'm very lucky to have help," he continues.

"I can't imagine being a single parent, like I said earlier"

"I've my mom, my sister, my ex-bandmates who had to all find normal day-jobs after the band didn't take off, their girlfriends and wives... what's the saying, it takes a village? We have a whole city, don't we, sweetie?"

Eunni looks up. "I like uncle Soo. He makes cakes for me. Uncle Jun takes me to the aquarium. And uncle Baekhyun teaches me jokes. Auntie Yoora is on tv all the time! Oh and I get to walk dogs with Jongin, I like dogs, but his dogs are so small, it's funny."

"You've so many friends, little girl!!"

"Do you want to be my friend? My dad can be your friend too!"

You blush furiously, and only manage to nod and say "yeah, we could all be friends" as Chanyeol laughs loudly.

After a small silence and ordering a second round of coffee for you, tea for him, and milk for her, you seem to have loosened up and Eun-hee is content and concentrated in her coloring.

"It's been a while since she's been this open to strangers. Usually she hides behind me. She likes you, you know?" He comments

"I like her too. She's funny. You've done a good job"

"Wasn't like that at the beginning. I guess she can't remember how her mom left... which is a blessing in disguise," he says quietly.

"That bad?"

"Well, I woke up one morning to a note saying she was leaving and couldn't take it anymore. That's pretty bad, no? She left her phone behind, and since we hadn't merged our accounts, I've no idea where she went"

"Wow. I'm sorry"

"Like I said, she was very young, only 18 months old. She doesn't remember her, and I think it's for the best, that way there's not a lot to explain. But it does worry me that she's not ever asking about her, when she sees other kids in class have moms picking them up..."

He turns to his girl, helping her color in some shapes and putting his arm around her to help her grip the crayon better.

"My dad died when Hana and I were young," you mention, "I don't remember, she does. Our mom did great and she didn't have all the support you seem to have. I think it shaped us differently, she's more protective of humans, I'm more protective of the furry creatures that make humans happy. In the end with a good parent by her side she'll be great, you'll see!"

He looks at you in the eyes, and smiles a warm and honest smile. Your heart does a backflip and you can tell you are getting into dangerous territory, not sure it's the right thing to do, but still not certain you want to pull back.

With some resolve and a great deal of hesitation, you pull a business card out of your purse as you pay your bill.

"Should you ever need anything, teddy bear emergency surgery, whatever, you can add me to your village, or your city... my cell phone is the last one."

He stares at your card with an unreadable expression, and for a second you wonder if you've made a huge mistake; but when he looks up from it, the softness in his eyes make you realize he needs help and sometimes can't bring himself to ask for it.

"Sure. We can always do with a doctor, even if it's a dog doctor, right Eunni??"

"I had fun today, unexpected fun, thanks for sharing my table," you say to them both as you pack your stuff away.

"Y/N! Look, I made a butterfly!" She tears the page out. "You can keep it. A thank you for my teddy's operation!"

You lean down to give her a small hug, shake Chanyeol's hand and leave with your books, your laptop, and the heaviest weight of all - a huge crush on someone who may not be ready for your feelings.

\--

As he wrapped her up in her scarf and coat, and pulled her hat down to cover her ears, he looks at his kid. The toddler he's been alone with for two and a half years. She's the spitting image of her mother, down to the little dimple on her chin, but at least she inherited his wide smile, not his ears.

His heart feels heavy at the thought, but a small voice inside can tell him that people are correct. She seems to be doing great, and for a second he actually believes he is a good parent. Took him long enough to realize.

They hold hands and push the door to the outside.

"That was a very kind thing you did, sweetie. I'm proud of you for gifting her the butterfly," he tells her as they walk down the street.

"I like Y/N, dad. She's nice, she helped me color, and I like her smile. Don't you like her too??"

"She's a good friend, right?" He says, while inside he can only think "but can we open up our lives wide enough to let her in


	4. Chapter 4

For the week after your encounter at the coffee shop, you've tried to avoid thinking of him. It's not like you feel he's entirely unable to find a new person and rebuild his life, but you understand that, for a single parent it may not be the first priority in their life.

You insisted on concentrating on work. You took extra night shifts at the ER, finished some more applications for courses, and hung out with family. Your nephew was turning 10, and there was a birthday party at your sister's house with several children of varied ages, so you took a chance in studying them. How would your life be if you entered a relationship with a man who already had a kid? Do you even want kids? And would any kid be ok with a woman being their father's new wife, living separately from their mother?

The options made your head spin and the more you pondered, the dizzier you got. It's good that you gave him your number and not the other way around. You don't know that you wouldn't have called him already, and most of all you don't know that you would've been able to take a rejection.

After the party, Hana asked if you were ok. It's not usual that you are at a celebration where there's cake and you don't dive head-first into the table. You made some excuse, not wanting to tell your sister that you saw him again, and that your chance encounter made you develop a crush on him. You couldn't handle her comments on how difficult it would be to be with him, you already knew that.

One afternoon after a tough decision-making day at work, the kind you hate the most in your profession, you look at the clock and realize school must be about to end, so you could, like....

"WOW. Stop yourself right there" you thought to yourself. What had come over you that you were willing to make a fool out of yourself to get a glimpse of this guy?? You hit the books that night. Anything to avoid thinking of him and his smile. You'd gone too far.

Time went by, you got some acceptances to evening courses, and you were beginning to feel like your old self, when one late afternoon your phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi.... um, is this Y/N? It's Chanyeol"

Your stomach clenched. This was not what you expected.

"Yes it's me. How are you, how's Eun-hee?"

"We're good, thanks,... listen, this is short notice but I was wondering if you really were serious about the whole village helper thing?"

"Sure, what's up?" You asked him, kind of dreading the fact that this time you'd have to perform a half top stitch on a bunny.

"I need a favor. I have a work thing tonight, and my mom was meant to come see Eunni while I'm out but she's sick, and we don't want to risk Eunni getting whatever she has. Do you think you could look after there for two, three hours tops??" He sounded frantic, like he was expecting you to say no.

"Yes I could, no worries. Do you want to bring her here or..."

"It'd be best for you to come over," he interrupted, "not to be rude but I don't know your place, and at the same time all her toys are here."

"Ok, no worries. Text me the address while I get ready?"

You hung up cursing your luck. Once you had gotten over your crush, he came and ran you over with a pick-up truck.

Choosing your clothes to be comfortable, you go for leggings and a sweater, thick socks, and your hair up. Finding parking around their area was easy, so you were there a whole 10 minutes before he was expecting you when you rang the bell.

The door opened to a view. He was wearing a light grey shirt and the bottom half of a suit, an untied tie around his neck. You swallowed hard, you had forgotten just how dashing he looked.

"Hey, come on in! Thanks for doing this on such short notice. I could've called Baekhyun but since little miss got put on detention the other day for a particularly disgusting prank I am limiting his hours alone with her!"

He was walking towards the living area where Eun-hee was sitting on a cushion on the floor with a stuffed animal.

"Y/N!!!! I am so happy you're here! Dad, I told you not to call Auntie Yoora, Y/N would come if you asked nicely"

You quickly turn around and see Chanyeol half-composing his face from a seriously annoyed impression for his daughter, to smile at you.

"Ok, so... here's some basics," he was trying to knot his tie as he walked around, "This is the living room, kitchen is that door there, the bathroom is the door with Ariel stickers, obviously. Her room has the Merida collage on the door."

You took a look around and nodded.

"Her evening routine is written there, and my number is at the bottom," he straightened his tie.

"Where are you going? You look very handsome.... I mean nicely dressed"

"Fundraiser for the opera house. My boss wants us all there to wow people by talking tech to them even if they can't understand it," he smirked.

"I left some money on the table there, with some takeout menus. She's not allergic to anything but she's picky about mushrooms. I wish I had had time to make you both some dinner, but I wasn't expecting the late change in plans," he was nervously looking around, either trying to find something or trying to figure out if everything was ok to go.

"Your jacket is there... is that what you're looking for?"

"Oh gosh yes. Thank you!"

"We're going to be ok, Eunni will show me her favorite movies, won't you??" The little girl nodded and smiled, "we'll have some... pizza? And we'll have fun. You go do your thing."

He took a deep breath in. "I know. I know she'll be fine. It's just... it's the first time she's staying alone with someone I don't really know," he paused, "Sorry, that was rude." He was looking at you apologetically.

"No, it's fine. It must be hard, but we'll be ok. If you want I can text you updates through the night?" You tried to offer some comfort.

"Well at least she's no longer in diapers and doesn't think tomato sauce is a decoration medium! You got the upgraded Eun-hee!" He smiled and grabbed his daughter from the floor, lifting her up for a hug. "Little one, be good. Don't make Y/N mad, be nice to her, and don't get into trouble. Promise?" He held out his hand to her.

"Promise!" They shared a big hug, he kissed her nose and put her down on her feet.

"Let me know if this gets too much and I'll try to get out as soon as I can, ok?" He's still flustered.

"Go. We're going to watch movies and eat like piggies. Go! You're going to be late!" You wave him towards the door.

"Ok ok ok I'm gone," he grabs your hand in his, catching you off-guard. "Thanks again," he says, looking into your eyes.

The door closes, and you turn around to see Eun-hee smiling wide.

"Ok, Eun-hee... how about we order something for dinner first, then we have some fun?"

Is this how you talk to kids? Ugh, you should've babysat for your nephews more often.

"I want pizza. No yucky mushrooms. I want pepperoni, do you like it too??"

"I do! Let me call them, do you want to think about a movie to watch while we eat?"

Phone call over, dinner on its way (with a side of mozzarella fingers because you're greedy), and Brave in the dvd player. Let's do this.

You've never seen the movie, and you find that asking Eun-hee questions about the characters and what's happening is very funny. She's got a very vivid imagination and she keeps saying she wants to have Merida's hair, and go visit Scotland, learn to shoot with a bow and arrow, and lots more things.

Dinner was tasty, and according to the rules, Eunni was to brush her teeth and wash her face shortly after, which she tries to get out of but you bribe her with coloring after she's done, which does the trick.

After cleaning the kitchen a little, she appears with 2 crowns and wants to have a tea party in her bedroom, which you happily agree to. You meet all her toys, you pretend to drink tea, you pretend to eat cake. It's fun. Much easier than rough and tumble play with your nephews. As the clock nears 8 and Eunni's energy begins to fade away, you help her tidy up while she puts her pajamas on.

Schedule says to read a book, you let her pick, read a little and within 5 minutes she's fast asleep. Leaving her side light on, you tiptoe out of the room.

The hallways are full of photographs. Of Eun-hee smiling at the beach, at the park. Of her sleeping on the couch, on the back seat of a car, hugging some guys who you assume to be Chanyeol's friends. He is seen in some photos too, mostly family outings, he's blowing on a cake with candles, carrying Eun-hee on his shoulders, and the most precious one, his finger being held by her tiny hand.

Much as you'd like to think that he's a fantastic guy and you'd love to go out with him, he has this life you're not a part of, and it's a life you can never be included in this - they have memories together, a bond that cannot be broken and you're not sure it can hold one more link on the chain.

As you wash your hands after tidying up all the toys around the living room, you catch your reflection on the kitchen window. Can you be a part of this if they let you in? Can you leave parties and dancing for tea parties and staying in? If you were in love, could you?

You quickly send a text to Chanyeol: "Eunni in bed, we had lots of fun. Mind if I watch some tv while waiting for you to get back?"

A couple of minutes later his reply arrives: "Thank you, I'm happy to hear she's tired and sleepy. Of course you can watch tv. I should be only about 1 more hour I think."

You surf to find some home shopping channel. No one understands this obsession of yours: you watch them, never buy anything. The scripted talk is repetitive, which is great for background noise. You started doing this in sophomore year of university, and it's stuck with you.

The house phone rings, and you wonder about picking up. This is not your home, but if they're calling here they may need to get a hold of Chanyeol and not have any other way to do so?

"Hello?"

*click*

10 minutes after that, Chanyeol arrives. He looks exhausted, but he's smiling.

"Hey! Did you woo people, wine and dine them, make them love sound waves or whatever?"

"We sure did! Seems like it went great anyway. How were things here?"

You give him the rundown of the evening, he asks why you tidied up their kitchen and you confess when you're bored you clean. He tries to get you to accept money for babysitting, but you could never.

"It was fun, really. If I had stayed home tonight I would've probably had the same dinner, maybe a little alcohol, and just browse the internet and pretend I don't have homework to do... this was far better for my brain!"

As you pack up your bag and put your scarf on, he turns to the tv.

"What on earth are you watching??" He's laughing hard before waving you goodbye.


	5. Chapter 5

"Up, up, up! The sun is shining, Eunni!!"

The little girl yawns and sits up on the bed, trying to wake up, then stretches her arms towards Chanyeol to pick her up.

"You're such a big baby! You're getting big and one day I won't be able to carry you... hop on, come on!" He says, offering his back for a piggyback ride.

\---

Across town, the phone rings furiously way too early for a Sunday morning.

"Hello?" You groggily say, praying to all the deities you know that it won't be work.

"Sis, I'm right outside. Did you forget we had a breakfast date?"

Damn.

\---

"Ok, baby girl, what do we do today? We can go watch a movie, we can go to the library for the big read, we can go to the zoo..."

Her face lit up.

"I guess we're going to the zoo! We have to get ready, we'll get breakfast along the way and then head there, ok? Go brush your teeth while I shower, then I'll help you with your hair and clothes"

45 minutes later, they got on the bus to the city center, making a list of all the animals they want to see.

The first stop was for pancakes and hot chocolate at a breakfast bar in town that caters specifically for kids, Eunni got gorilla pancakes (chocolate) and a monkey milkshake (banana) while Chanyeol went with polar bear waffles (lemon and yogurt) and, thank goodness, caffeine.  
"How are you finding school, honey? Are you liking it?" Chanyeol tentatively asks, not wanting to push the limits but also wanting to open his daughter up a little to figure out whether she is having trouble seeing moms and dads together in contrast to his solo game.

"I like my teacher, and I like this boy in class, we play together all the time," she mentions absent-mindedly, but Chanyeol takes comfort in knowing that she has friends, and if he's not getting frantic calls from school it must mean something positive.

\---

"I can't believe you forgot me!"

"Hana please, it's too early to tell me off... let me at least get coffee first!"

"C'mon, grumpy! How's that place you go to when you want to take the books out?"

She meant, of course, the place you went to the other week when you accidentally bumped into Chanyeol and Eun-hee, and you worry for a second that you're going to have a repeat encounter... after the babysitting day, you don't know how to go about things without hurting everyone in the process.

"Yeah sure," you say, not wanting to arise your sister's suspicions, "you are paying though!"

After you got your first sip of coffee things were a lot clearer in your head.

"So..." your sister says, looking at you quizzically.

"So...?"

"A certain little bird told me you both had fun watching Brave last weekend, want to tell me why you didn't tell me?"

You sigh heavily. "I guess I didn't want to involve you, that's all"

"How on earth did you end up at his place?"

"We bumped into each other the other day, at this very table, actually. We talked a lot, and I don't know, he seemed like he needed help, so I gave him my number. He called last weekend to ask if I could watch Eunni while he did a work thing, and I did, and that's it."

"You're lying. When you tell me only half-truths you end up with ...and that's it!" Damn your sister she knows you too well.

"Ok. I know now that he's a single dad. And I know a little of what happened. But I can't help it, I like him. He's nice, he's kind, he's sweet... so he has a kid, what's the big deal? But I also know better than to step into something like that. I know nothing about kids, I sat with Eun-hee that evening only because he had to ask someone. I loved sitting with her, eating, playing and watching a movie. Once she went to bed I realized I had a crush on him, and I knew I didn't want to act on something that could hurt them. Now that's the whole truth, ok?"

"Y/N, as someone who has children and works with children I can tell you they're very sensitive, and I appreciate that you're showing some sensible manners here. He is an attractive guy, sure, and he seems very nice... but I just think his wounds run deep. I don't know about the kid, but entering a single parent household cannot be easy for the parent, because their child will always come first"

"Argh," you groan and interrupt, "why did it have to be the cute guy?? Couldn't he be ugly? And mean?"

"I wasn't finished. Eunni has been particularly chirpy this week. She's been happy, she's been kind and friendly, and she's showing herself a lot more in class. That's very positive, and when I asked her why she was trying so hard to be great she said she wanted to be a dog doctor too, which I found funny. I think even if this doesn't work for you sentimentally, you've done something good for her and you should be proud of how you've influenced someone positively."

You just look out the window. Talking about this is making you want to cry. For the last weeks you've felt how lonely you feel and how withdrawn you've been from everyone - since your last breakup you focused on school, then further education, and the one time the wall cracks, it's for someone you cannot be with.

"...so I think you should babysit your nephews while I run away to Las Vegas, how's that?"

"WHAT?"

"Yeah you were not listening," she laughs, then slowly the smile fades as she takes in your face.

"Sis... did it really hit you this hard?"

You bite your bottom lip and nod.

"I'm not the person to tell you no, only he can say that. Do you think he feels that way?"

How could you even tell?

"I don't know. He is nice, he loves his kid, and being in their apartment I know I would be a third wheel on a motorcycle. I can't do anything, it needs to be his game, I can't push."

\---

Giraffes are her favorite animal, or maybe it's the seals, perhaps the zebras. It's hard to pinpoint exactly.

After a long walk around the zoo, they happily look at a dog catching a frisbee at the park, and head to the swings.

"Push me?" She says, looking up at him with wide eyes.

A long swing session ends with father and daughter taking a seat on a bench at the park, he pulls out 2 sandwiches and a couple of juice boxes for a snack.

Families walk past, couples strolling through the pathways hand in hand. Chanyeol tries hard not to think about the future as a single parent, and especially since Y/N entered his life like a hurricane.

"Dad?"

"What's up, sweetie?"

"I don't have a mommy"

His heart breaks in a million pieces. He knew the time would come. He knew at some point the questions would form in her head, and she's never been one to keep quiet when she's curious. He's not ready, yet he has to be. For her.

"Your mom ... she's not here now, no. But you do have a mom, everyone does."

"Why isn't she here, is it because of me?"

"Eun-hee, no, never." He holds her hands really tightly. "You're the most perfect kid anyone could ask for. Your mom wasn't happy with me, I think, and she had to go away for a while to be happy again. I am sure one day she will come back, and you can ask her all the questions you have that I can't answer. But for now, I am afraid it's just you and me. Tell me one thing, sweetie - is there anything you want that I haven't done right?"

"No, dad, it's just... I see moms coming to school, and I see moms with other kids all over. And I wonder if I will get a new mom?"

His throat is dry, he can't break down in public in front of his kid, but he can't help the emptiness he feels at not being able to fulfill the one wish she's asking for.

"It's not that simple. Sometimes dads, like me, will find someone else, and that someone else can be like a mom to you. But it has to be someone who loves me as much as I love them, and they have to love you as much as I love you... and that's a lot to love. Some people think they can't handle that much love."

"Dad?"

He's looking away but he can't do that. He has to meet her eyes, he has to show he's truthful, he's not making up stories, he has to be strong and prove this is going to work with just the two of them.

"What's up, darling?"

"Last week, when Y/N came over... I had fun. I thought maybe she was coming to stay with us and be a mom"

"It doesn't work like that, Eun-hee. If Y/N were to want to be like a mom to you, I would need to know her more. We would need to know each other a lot more. I would need to know her so much, so so much that I could trust her with you at all times, and I would need to know she can take care of you like I do. It takes time for two people to know each other so much - that's what movies call falling in love, you know? It's just usually it's just two people, but with us it's a little bit more complicated, because she would need to fall in love with both of us. Does that make sense? Grown up stuff is complicated..."

"I think so. What's love like? Do you really fall?"

He laughs. "No, you don't REALLY fall. You know that warm feeling in your tummy when you've had really good food and then you have a lot of fun and you think you're really happy and you smile a lot? That's like falling in love"

She's nodding, trying to take the information in.

"But, remember this - your mom, the mom who carried you in her tummy? She's out there and I am sure one day she will forgive me and come back. She loves you. And I love you more than you could imagine"

"I know, I love you too, Dad," she says, cuddling up to him.

"It's getting cold and dark, we should go home, ok?"

\---

After she is safely tucked in bed, he sits on the barstool, opens a beer and stares at the place he lives in.

This girl came out of nowhere, it was a clash of coincidences. She's funny, she's nice to Eunni, she's attractive, and she's intelligent.

She's everything Eunni needs for a mother and everything she didn't get.

She's everything he needs in a partner and everything he never got.

How did he get it so wrong, and how did something great like Eunni come out of that? He can't begrudge her mother, she gave birth to the star of his life, the girl he'll love the most until the day he dies, and when it was good, it was really good. Yet without the pain of losing her he wouldn't have known someone new to make him think about all the things he has been missing out on.

Seeing his ex-bandmates getting their lives in order makes him realize he needs a partner. He's been a single dad for a while now, and missing what a real family unit feels like - sharing responsibilities, being able to care for each other emotionally, sharing a loving bond that can last for generations.

He wants to be with someone. He wants to love someone. He wants her to be that person. But what if she's just being nice to the sad single dad?

He gets up to drop the beer bottle in the recycling bin and he sees her card, behind a magnet on the fridge.

"Guess it's now or never," he thinks, "even if it's a rejection, at some point it's time to move on"

 


	6. Chapter 6

  
“Pick up the phone. Just pick it up. You’ve dialed the number before. Pick up, dial, speak. If she says yes, great, you can freak out. If she says no, you just become a monk. Maybe drink a beer. Never mind that it’s noon…” Chanyeol was trying to arm himself with all the strength and courage he could. The only women he has asked to spend time with in the last 2 years are his mother, his sister, the pediatrician and that weird babysitter that he ended up firing.

Eun-Hee was spending the day with auntie Yoora, so he knew for a fact that he had all day to recover from the rejection. Pick up. Dial.

\---

For the last week since the sincere and vulnerable talk you had with your sister, you’ve kept busy. Coursework, actual work, and a deep clean of all surfaces, fridges, bathrooms and corners of your apartment. The best way to get over a crush is to work through it and pretend they don’t exist, but there comes a time when you have nothing else to work on, and you were getting dangerously close to cleaning all the cages at work on your day off.

When the phone rang, you thought it’d be your sister asking you over for Sunday lunch tomorrow, but you had never anticipated what was in store for the day.

“Hello?”

“Hi… Y/N, it’s me, I mean, Chanyeol, that’s me, hi!”

You know those moments in the movies where the girl covers the speaker of the phone and screams the house down? If you had found your voice you would’ve done that.

“Hi… how are you? What’s up?”

“I’m ok, I wanted to talk to you because, well, I’ve been talking to Eunni and she likes you very much and I was wondering, well, I just…”

“Spit it out. Like a bandaid,” you helpfully try to say.

“You don’t spit bandaids, you rip them”

Ok he’s right on that one, you’re an idiot. “You know what I meant, fool!”

“Yeah errr, I wanted to see if you want to get together for lunch, maybe? Are you busy today?”

“No, I have no plans, where should I meet you?”

You agree to meet up at a small cafeteria style place, relaxed atmosphere, very family friendly, and you’re meant to be there in 2 hours.

Plenty of time to change outfit 14 times, mess up your eyeliner twice and almost forget to put your shoes on. But at least you remembered the big pack of coloring pencils you found at the back of your desk drawers.

\---

“She said yes,” he told Junmyeon over the phone, “I wasn’t ready for this. What do I do???”

“Things haven’t changed so much in the last years, Chanyeol. Nothing will go wrong. Get dressed, go there, don’t make a fool of yourself… actually don’t eat any finger food, you get messy. And don’t try parallel parking, you dented my car last time. Gosh a lot could go wrong, remember that time we went double date bowling years and years ago and you broke your finger…”

“You are not helping!!”

“Just be yourself. You’re a great guy. Be nice to her and don’t talk yourself down, ok??”

Be yourself. Like it’s easy?

He settled on a pair of faded jeans, a black long sleeve top and a wool coat. If he had a picture that meant “yourself” this was as good as it got.

Arriving 5 minutes early, he requests a table at the window of the cafe, orders himself an orange juice and waits for her to turn up.

\---

Stepping out of the car, you check and double check that your make up looks natural, that you don’t have any stains on your clothes, and decide you wore the best thing for this - dark jeans (no food stains, no coloring pen stains), a grey shirt under a bright red cardigan, flat shoes. This is not a date, it’s like when he showed up at your brunch spot. Just look casual and cool.

You walk past the cafeteria windows and see him sitting there, you thank your lucky stars he’s the early arrival type, and head indoors.

“Hey there!,” he gets up to help you with your coat as you look around.

“Hi… have you forgotten something, Chanyeol?”

“No, what? Should I not help you with your coat?”

“No no, that’s great, thanks, but where’s Eunni?” You say, slightly confused.

“She’s with my sister… oh gosh,” he’s blushing to the tips of his ears, “you thought…”

“Oh .. OH! This is… Is this a date?”

“I didn’t make that clear, did I? I didn’t say it’d be just you and me, right?” He sits at the chair looking defeated.

“No hey it’s ok, I just don’t think you’ll enjoy these as much,” you say, handing him the coloring pencils.

“If you want to leave, I understand, it wasn’t clear and you may not want to see me this way and really I’ll understand,” he stands up again flustered.

“I don’t want to go,” you confirm. “I wasn’t expecting it, but I can’t say I’m disappointed,” you are now blushing too, and look up to his eyes.

“Ok let’s start again can we??”

“Sure, hey how are you!!” You both laugh and sit down as the waitress brings over the menus.

After a couple of uncomfortable minutes adjusting to the idea that yes, he called you, and yes, this is a date, you look across the table to him as he studies the menu and fidgets with the handle of the fork. He’s so damn cute your heart could pop out of your chest right now, hit him in the face, you’d die and still feel great.

“I know this didn’t start on the right foot, Chanyeol, but… I’m happy you called and I’m happy to be here,” your words are slightly shaky, “just, you know, I thought you don’t do this, dating?”

He looks out the window as he bites his bottom lip and turns to you, “I don’t. I haven’t. Not since… well you know. But there’s something about you I can’t shake and I think my kid is a good judge of character, so if she likes you, I’m willing to step out of my comfort zone.” His eyes are big, and you feel the weight of his words.

“Well, there’s something about you I can’t shake either, as evidenced by how clean my apartment is,” you smile. “You should see it! I clean to de-clutter my brain, and I had been thinking about you since I left your place.”

He has the smallest of smiles on and seems about to say something when your waitress arrives to get your orders.

“So…” he quietly comments, “since you must have a lot more experience on what constitutes appropriate conversation on a date, how about you start?”

“That’s just mean, Chanyeol!” You giggle, but continue, “I don’t know… I’ve been thinking a lot about what we discussed that first time we met at the cafe, you know? The time I spent with Eunni that evening I babysat also gave me a lot to ponder, and to be perfectly honest I was ready to forget you and pretend this never happened,” you fix your gaze on his hands, “because it’s a lot to get involved into. You’re not just some guy, there’s a child to be involved with as well, and I don’t want to be in between you.”

“That’s why I wanted to start things differently. I don’t want to think of this as a date-date, I want to know you better. Eun-hee and I had a big conversation the other day that made me realize a number of things. She was slightly confused as to why you came to babysit, and I had to make her understand that just because you’re not family it doesn’t mean we can’t be friends and you can’t come to the house - but also needed to not raise her hopes up that you are here to take her mother’s place,” his hands are gesticulating to try and make you see, not only hear, his words. “She asked about her mother. That was a difficult chat, and I noticed that shielding her from the truth wasn’t doing her any good… and trying to shield myself from the possibility of meeting someone else doesn’t do me any good either.”

You stare at him, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought.

“The first time we met I thought you were nice and kind. The second time we met, I wasn’t prepared to feel as I felt when you left. When you came to babysit Eunni and I opened the door I felt nervous - not because you were coming over, but because once I saw you I knew that I didn’t imagine what I felt the last time,” he was blushing again, “you looked so pretty, and seeing Eunni the following day tell me how great a time she had with you only made me think about you more. But I was determined not to think of you because to be honest, most girls wouldn’t think of a single father as something they want in their lives. It’s too much responsibility.”

“I thought about that,” you reply, “but that time at the cafe? I had fun. I loved talking to you. I enjoyed spending that evening with your daughter,” you look into his eyes, “I’m not going into this lightly, if we are actually going into this.”

Your orders arrive and you eat in silence for a minute.

“For the longest time, it’s just been Eun-hee and me. It’s difficult to open up. I hope my monologue didn’t put you off?”

“No, I fully understand what the situation is, and I can only hope I won’t overstep my boundaries.”

He smiles at your words and nods, quickly saying “Thank you, I know you won’t do that.”

Your meal comes and goes with tidbits of information - you share parts of your life, he tells you about his, about Eunni’s funny habits, how smart she is, and it’s plain to see he loves her so much, making you wonder really what could’ve gone on her mother’s head to leave her, leave them, behind.

After paying the check, half and half, you’re a modern woman after all, you step out into the cold.

“I know of a little artisan coffee shop nearby, fancy a cup? I’m paying!” You offer, smiling at him.

“Lead the way,” he gestures.

As you walk a couple of blocks, he seems to have eased into the non-date-date that you both have been on, he’s telling you about this small dive bar across the street where his band used to play years ago, how his friends still get together to make music but of course, they’re all too anchored to their real lives now. Everyone has a job, a partner in life, but he’s the only one with a kid so far, although they’re all thinking about it sooner or later.

His face lights up talking about music, going on about the songs they used to write, his favorite guitar, and how one day he hopes he’ll be able to take up another instrument, maybe drums.

You’re in luck, there’s a coffee tasting in progress at the roasters. You get to taste many different beans, and by coincidence, the shop manager had been in a band that rivaled Chanyeol’s back in the days. He introduces you to him, his name is Minseok, and according to Chanyeol he had the brightest of green mohawks back then.

A couple more hours pass by and it gets dark, one of winter’s perks. “What time are you meant to pick up Eunni from your sister’s place?” You ask.

“I should probably get going in 30 minutes or so, just to be safe I can get her home, bathed and into bed before she gets cranky,” he replies looking at his wristwatch.

“Ok then, shall we? I drove, did you?”

“Yup,” he stands up and puts his coat on, helping you with yours. As his hand brushes yours when you grab the collar of your jacket, you feel the electricity running through you. On any given date, you’re sure the guy would’ve tried to at least hold you near, maybe kiss you. He has kept a distance, which you find odd, but perhaps it’s the situation? If he didn’t like you he could have just not made this last this long, right?

You walk in a comfortable silence, not feeling the need to fill in gaps with words. The streets are beginning to be decorated with all sorts of Christmas paraphernalia, and you wonder whether this year you’ll actually put up a tree, but why should you when your sister hosts Christmas and that’s where the presents are anyway. Your mind is wandering to presents and errands when you stop a street light and you feel his fingers touch your right hand, not on accident, not as a passing graze, but with intent. His fingertips are wiggling making room between your own, your own hand opening up while you bite your lip and try to look at him from the corner of your eye. You catch his own eyes looking at your hands intertwined, and you can’t help but curl your lips a little when he confidently holds your hand as you start walking across the street.

Your car in sight, you start cursing in your head, because holding his hand is the warmest feeling you’ve had in months.

“This is me,” you say pointing at your car with your unused hand.

He turns to face you, still holding your hand. “Y/N, I had a great time today. We may not have started in the clearest of terms, but I loved every minute. Thank you,” his hand gives yours a reassuring tug.

“Me too. I don’t know what I expected, but it’s been more than I would anticipate, and I don’t want to be too sure of myself but I’d like to repeat this sometime soon, if you’re ok with it?”

“Absolutely,” his smile is enormous, “you probably need this hand to drive, right?”

“Yeah, kind of…” you giggle.

He opens his arms and leans into you for a hug, which you gladly return. “You look beautiful. I want to kiss you, but not today, I hope you can understand that I need a little more time” he says into your hair.

You nod into his shoulder. Because if you had to wait this long for a day like this, with a guy like this, you don’t mind waiting a little longer for that kiss. 


	7. Chapter 7

Life is beautiful. The sun is shining - in your head. The birds are singing - in your head. No one is in pain, everyone is loved. There is scientific proof of the fact that going from unrequited crush to future date planning with a maybe-maybe-not-perhaps boyfriend is miraculous for mental health and physical energy.

Your co-workers noticed, your patients noticed, even your mailman noticed. You are walking on cloud #9 and there’s no stopping the feeling.

After your date with Chanyeol last weekend, you started texting each other quite a bit. You had agreed it could be called a date. A date with a first-half in awkwardness, but a hell of a second-half that left you both wanting more.

His morning texts are sometimes accompanied by a sneaky shot of Eun-hee as she brushes her teeth, “don’t forget yours, Y/N!”. During his mid-morning break at work he’d tell you something funny. At lunch you’d send him a photo of the cutest animal you had in your care that day.

You’re the sweetest most sickening pair of fools in a crush, but you’re both enjoying the change.

\---

“Eunni, darling, want to say hi to Y/N before she goes to work?” He asks behind his phone, pointing the lens to his daughter.

“Hello, Y/N!!!” She’s waving at you and holding the bear you helped fix the first time you met.

Chanyeol flips the camera around and says “As you can see, the suture is holding, doctor! I’ll talk to you later, drive safe!”

He puts his phone in his coat pocket, and Eunni looks at him.

“Dad, do you like Y/N?”

He nods and smiles.

“No, do you reeeeeeally like her??” She questions between giggles, she knows there’s something different about her dad, and seeing him smile makes her smile too, regardless of the reason.

“Young lady put your coat on or we’ll be late to school - don’t put your nose into this!” He says, tickling her.

\---

Your phone pings during your coffee break.

“Wow it’s really coming down out there!”

“We’ve only known each other for a couple of months and this is what it’s come to? Talking about the weather?? ;) “

“LOL what? I just didn’t expect it to snow so heavily so early into winter. Your drive to work was ok?”

“I took the side streets, Chanyeol. Stop worrying!”

“I’d like to see for sure that you’re ok… you know, just to keep my mind at ease. Photo?”

“.... you’re so smooth….”

“Well, since you are denying me my request, would you want to go out for a burger and a stroll around the old mall? Or are you on call tonight?”

“No, I’m off! What time? Oh, and just to make sure - how many Park family members am I meeting??”

“See you at 7. Just me, I’ll have my mom babysit.”

\---

He picked you up at 7 on the dot. You went for a definitely comfortable date wardrobe of jeans, big boots, big sweater, and all the woolen accessories you could find. As you got in the car and he drove off, you studied him: big coat, slouchy beanie, thick scarf. There is the slightest creamy shine on his lips, which makes you smile, he uses lip balm!

“Have you been to Diane’s Diner? They have this 50s thing going on, burgers are great, fries come in baskets, and they have hot milkshakes during winter,” he tells you as you’re waiting at a light.

“Nope, I don’t think I have!”

“Cool, it’s near the old mall, with the bowling lanes and the arcade, so at least we won’t have to move the car to go from one place to the other,” he starts turning left at the lights, “I thought we’d take it easy… some people like going to movies on dates, but if you’re in the dark and in silence you don’t get to know much of the person, don’t you think?”

He’s such a nice guy. He briefly looks at you for reassurance that his opinion isn’t weird, and you smile at him and just say, “I agree.”

A short walk from the parking structure, you reach the famous Diane’s Diner, and right after you open the door, a waitress is walking past you with a gigantic banana split.

“And now you know why Eunni likes this place so much,” Chanyeol laughs as he takes his hat off and runs his fingers through his hair.

“Welcome to Diane’s, lovebirds,” a hostess with a most definite 50s act and costume greets you. “Shall we go for a booth??”

She guides you to a booth, leaves menus and drinks list with you and as she winks her eye at you, she says “alright honeys, one of our sweethearts will be with you in a jiffy!”

“Wow,” you say with a laugh, “they take character development seriously!”

“They do! It’s rare to find humor in a food place this days, I love this place!”

You study the menus for a while and then order: a California burger for you, a BBQ burger for him, you’re swayed by a hot chocolate milkshake, and he goes for a classic lemonade.

As you wait for your order, the conversation goes around what he’s working on, what you’re working on. Chanyeol tells you how much Eun-hee wants to be a dog doctor, and you tell him about the young volunteer program at work: there’s a weekend every 6 months where parents can bring kids over to volunteer. They help out by walking the in-patients around the yard, they change the cages padding, pet animals, help out at the front desk moving papers from one place to another, and just get a quick non-scary look at veterinary.

“I’ll tell you about the spring dates if you want to sign her up, and I’ll even make sure I’m working that day!”

He reaches for your hand and stares into your eyes. “Thank you. I know she can be a bit too excitable at times… I love that you care.”

Your order arrives and after a quick assessment at how unladylike eating this burger will be, you roll your sleeves up.

“I’m sorry, Chanyeol. This is not going to be pretty!” When you look up at him, he’s already got BBQ sauce dripping down his fingers, his eyes are wide open, and you burst into laughter.

Once he finishes chewing he swallows and says, “yeah I should’ve mentioned this. When we’re done, let’s pretend this never happened!”

\---

Dinner over, you offer to split the check but Chanyeol shoos you away. “Fine, I’ll get the change for the arcade. Unless you prefer bowling?”

“No… last time I went bowling… a friend broke a finger,” he lies.

You take a quick walk to the mall, shops now closed except for a couple of cafes, the arcade and the bowling lanes.

“Oh!! Dance Dance! Can we?” You ask

“I’m not great at dancing… how about that one there, looks fun? What is it??”

Your face lights up. “Ah! Street Fighter II, I’ve never played it,” you lie. It’s your secret weapon. You’ll let him think he can win.

“I’ll let her get the first one,” he thinks, “then she’ll know how I really play SFII!”

Four rounds in, it’s clear that he is better than you.

“You’ve NEVER played it??” Chanyeol asks, “you liar. You got cheat codes and all!!!”

“You’re the one who was like, what is it, looks fun… you lied too!”

“Only to make you think you could win, but when you started there was no doubt you were going to kill my Vega!!”

“One more. Fifth round decides the winner. Otherwise we’ll be here all night,” you say.

It didn’t last long. He smashed those buttons and with some quick moves, you were Game Over.

“I’m going to pretend this didn’t happen, or it’ll ruin my street cred,” you pitifully laugh while tugging at your scarf.

“Aw, come on, I’ll let you win the next one!” He pokes your arm with a finger.

You’re pouting still looking at the flashing “GAME OVER” on the screen, and turn to him, ready to ask, what next, and you didn’t see it coming.

In a fast move, he cupped your cheek with his right hand, his face a mere inch from yours.

“Can I make your defeat up to you?” He’s staring into your eyes, a mix of excitement, nervousness, and sincerity, you feel his hot breath on your mouth, so close and inviting.

“Guess you could try,” you smirk and tilt your head slightly, letting the moment happen.

His lips brushed yours at first, a very small kiss pressed to them, and your response into his kiss spurred him some more, as he caught your upper lip between his, you let your lower lip brush the underneath of his. The pace of his movements increases as he finds no resistance in you, he finds a welcoming touch and desire instead. The tip of his tongue brushes against yours tentatively, and you smile into the kiss, making him smile in turn while his thumb caresses your cheekbone as he parts from you. Maintaining his forehead on you, he whispers “thank you,” and you reply with a sly kiss in return.

You look around you. The arcade is full of people - teens on dates, teens in groups, parents with children, and some old enough to be parents, but not giving up the excitement of an arcade game rivalry. It’s noisy, it’s lively, yet for the last minute, you were in a silent bubble of warmth, sharing a kiss with a guy who came into your life like a bulldozer, destroying years of relationship doubts in you.

“Do you want to play another game?” He gestures around, kind of acting like he doesn’t know what to do after kissing you, which is endearing to you.

“Nah, I don’t think I can top this last one,” you feel like poking fun at how inadequate he seems to be feeling after the last step you’ve taken together.

He shakes his head and rubs his neck, he knows you’re just teasing him, “ok, then, shall we?” He stands up and offers you his hand to help you up.

You walked to the car hand in hand, he opened the door for you, and before you got in you say his name which makes him look at you. You tiptoe up and brush a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for a lovely date, I don’t want to wait to tell you that.”

His mouth is trying to smile through a blush, so he only replies “you’re welcome.”

The drive to your place is much faster without the Friday rush hour traffic, and therefore much shorter than you’d like it to be. He turns the car off and turns to you, silently.

“Chanyeol, I really had fun. Do you want to come up for a drink?” His eyes open wide and you quickly add, “I promise I’m not going to jump on you! I just don’t want this to end yet, come on.”

Within a couple of minutes you’re inside, removing all the warm woolly accessories.

“Take a seat, you prefer red, white, or beer?”

“Beer is fine. Wine makes me too tipsy…”

\---

Laughter and beer are good companions. You get so many stories of his band, and so many anecdotes of Eun-hee, while you share your university experiences, the time you wanted to sleep on a field and be one with nature, and then turned up to class the next day with grass on your hair.

Eventually you look at the table, where 7 empty beer bottles now sit. How did you both think this much?

He seems to be thinking the same thing because he looks at his wristwatch and is almost shocked at the time, saying he has to get going.

“You can’t possibly drive - you’ve had like 4 beers!”

“But Eunni is with my mom, so I have to pick her up…”

“At 10.30? Chanyeol, Eunni is asleep. I’d bet even your mother is asleep. Did you tell her why you were dropping Eunni off with her?”

“Well yes… but I still have to check. Worse comes to worst I will take a cab, and I can pick my car up tomorrow?”

He is tapping through his phone, as you take the bottles to the recycling bin and you comment, “Chanyeol, you can sleep here. I’ve got blankets and pillows and stuff for me on the couch…”

“No way, I’m not taking your bed,” he’s putting his phone to his ear.

“Hey mom!”....

”Yes I know, I ran a little bit later than I expected”....

“I knew she probably was asleep, but listen, the issue is I drank some beers and I’m not too…”....

“So yeah I was wondering if she can stay with you”...

“No, I’m at her place, I’ll sleep on the couch, it’s fine”....

“MOM!”...

“Oh my god, Mother! No, I’m not lying. I swear, you want to ask her?”...

(Whispers) “And even if I were to do *that*, I am a grown up, no? You’ve been telling me to go on dates, and here we are.”...

(Whispers) “Mom. I am not sleeping around, for god’s sake, can we please stop this conversation????”...

“Ok, ok. I’ll get her in the morning, thank you so much, mom.”

You finally let out the laugh you’ve been holding, because you suck at holding back laughter when you’re tipsy, “No, mom I’m not sleeping around, hahahahaha”

“Don’t you start, please?” He moves towards you and plants a kiss on your lips to shut you up.

“Come on, let’s get you some blankets and pillows,” you motion him down the corridor, “this is the bathroom, this cupboard has towels, don’t use the expensive bottle of shampoo. There’s a toothbrush under the sink,” you say as you grab the blankets from the storage closet. “If you need anything, I’m behind that door there, ok?”

“Sure, but I do have one question,” he frowns.

“Yes?”

“Kiss goodnight?”


	8. Chapter 8

The creaky lock on the front door woke you up. You were certain that Chanyeol had just left, and it made you feel a little bit weird - last night had been fun, cute, lovely… a great date. It was not your idea to get him drunk, you thought it would be a case of just one beer and he’d go home but things got out of hand, making him stay overnight and forcing him to leave his daughter with his mom. You were now worried that he was mad at you for the situation to get like it did.

You step into the corridor, walk past the bathroom and smell the orange zesty scent of the shower gel. When you reach the living room you find the sheets and pillows neatly folded and stacked one on top of the other, the kitchen tidied, and a folded note on your countertop.

“Thank you so much for a beautiful date last night. I had a lot of fun, and I wish I could have stayed to have breakfast, but I had to relieve my mother of Eun-hee’s morning energy bursts! I hope you have a nice day, xox Chanyeol”

He had drawn a smiley sun peeping out from behind clouds, and a couple of little birds flying in the sky. His cute attempt at art made you giggle as you flick your coffeemaker on and head into the shower.

As you’re sipping your first cup of coffee, hair dripping on the back of your bathrobe, you pick up your phone to text him in reply to his note.

“Good morning! I didn’t even hear you leave, you’re like a ninja! Thank you for the date, I enjoyed it so much… tell your mom I won’t get you accidentally drunk again, and say hi to Eunni from me. I hope you guys have a good day too! Xx”

The weekend was mostly spent with your nose on the books in between texts here and there from Chanyeol, and you tried so hard not to squee every time he sent you something but the embers of a new relationship being developed burn so bright it’s impossible to take the smile off your face.

\--

Chanyeol had tried to be silent as he woke up, tidied up the blankets and pillows, and headed into the shower.

As he let the hot water run down his back, he reflected on the previous night. The way she laughed with the burgers, how she was down to earth and licked sauce dripping down her fingers, how she fought him for the last of the fries. When they reached the arcade, he was 99% ready to kiss her, she had looked so beautiful bundled up in warm winter clothes with her cute nose peeping out, cheeks flushed in the cold wind. He didn’t know how to approach it, he was so out of touch with dating - he’s never been dominant or pushy because his height made him tower over girls and he didn’t want to be seen as a threat. But the pout, her cute pout after the lost the last of the battles… he couldn’t resist it.

Wrapping up a towel around himself and styling his hair, he reminisced about the kiss. Her lips were soft, with a touch of her lipbalm offering a slickness and flavor to the kiss that stayed fresh in his mind. He was truly under her spell now, and he had been somewhat hesitant about coming up, although he was definitely not ready to let go of her at that moment. The conversation they had while they shared beers was fun, easy-going, and allowed him a bigger insight into her life that made him like her more.

He got dressed, quickly texted his mom to say he was on his way to pick up his kid, and wrote a note to Y/N. He wished he had had the chance to tell her all his feelings face to face, but the door separating them was not meant to be opened yet. A couple of cute doodles and a heartfelt message must do, in the meantime.

Eunni had been rambunctious when he collected her, so full of questions about why dad hadn’t picked her up and more. He dodged those in favor of a cup of coffee with his mom before she had to go to work.

“So, son… had fun last night?,” she smiled as she added milk to his mug.

“Aw mom, don’t tease me…” he was blushing all the way to the tip of his ears.

“Ok ok. Tell me about her. Eunni says she’s really nice, a vet?”

“Yes, she is a veterinarian. Works awful with my allergies, but I haven’t told her how I feel my eyes stinging a little if she doesn’t change clothes before seeing me!,” he laughed, “anyway. She’s a great girl, her sister is Eunni’s teacher at school, she’s still doing some further courses for work, she’s smart, independent, and she likes Eunni too.”

He took his phone out of his coat pocket and showed his mom a photograph of Y/N.

“She’s pretty. Look at you, you’re blushing!,” she teased as she hugged his shoulders.

It had been a long time since she saw him smile like that, and she was cautiously happy for her son.

“You’ll have to bring her over to the restaurant at some point, ok? Let us meet her?”

“I will, mom. Just…. let me make sure it’s right before we do more. I’m very scared still. I don’t want…” he looked around to see Eunni was busy, “I don’t want to get Eunni too involved too soon, I don’t know if I’m just worried about her getting too attached, or if it’s just me.” He stared into his mom’s eyes to look for some reassurance.

“I understand. But it’s about time. She is gone, and you can’t wait forever for nothing… Y/N has injected both of you with fresh life I can tell, and even if I don’t know her yet I have faith that you are a good judge of character. Take it easy, take your time. Your father and I just want you to be happy, girl or no girl, ok?”

He engulfs his mother in a bear hug and calls out for Eunni to get her coat. Let the weekend begin.

\---

Monday: Day Shift.  
Tuesday: Night Shift.  
Wednesday: Off - exam in the evening.  
Thursday: Day Shift.  
Friday: Night Shift.  
Saturday: RESULTS DAY.

You can barely breathe when you open the envelope left on your cubbyhole at school. The advanced surgery techniques course involved precise focal radiation therapy - one thing that would make you the only surgeon for the technique at the clinic, giving you bargaining power over your salary and a lot more options should you choose to look around.

“OMG I PASSED!!!!!” You texted him before you even texted your sister, and you were in the middle of doing that when your phone rang.

“Congratulations! See I told you you could do it!!! Hey, wait a second….” you hear the phone move around, “Y/N! Congratulations on your test! Dad says you did good!! I have a drawing to give you for it!”

You laugh, all tension had left your body now, “Thank you Eunni!”

“Ok, it’s me again. Well done you, does this mean I get to see you again?” His voice was eager, a sound you could get used to.

“Yup. No more coursework until April!”

“How about I cook you a nice meal at home to celebrate? I can’t offload the kid onto my mom tonight, so if you don’t mind a third wheel, I will make something nice….”

“Thank you so much, I think I will accept the offer. Can I bring wine?”

“No, I have it all under control. Come over for 6?”

\---

You decide to dress up a little for tonight, because you’re definitely on a date, but also celebrating, and you don’t want to seem too eager, but you want to be pretty for him. You settle on a pleated skirt, knee high socks and boots, and a loose sweater on top. Your hair is loose and your make up is natural. It’s a date but with a kid involved, you can’t go in with smokey eyes and cleavage!

When you ring the doorbell, the reality of it all hits you. This is a date with your boyfriend - wait did you just call him your…

“Y/N!!! Come in, let me give you your rainbows…” Eun-hee trots away from the door, leaving you standing there. Kids. You take a step inside and close the door behind you, taking off your scarf and before you can turn around, Chanyeol’s hands are helping you off your coat.

“You look pretty,” he says in a low voice leaning towards you.

“Thank you,” you tiptoe up to kiss him on the lips and placing your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself. “It smells nice in here!”

“Yes I got started early - chicken, with lemon and herbs, roasted vegetables. You don’t have any allergies, right?” He asks as you walk down towards the kitchen.

“None at all,” you smile back. “Eunni, where is my rainbow!!!,” you call out to her, letting Chanyeol to get on with cooking.

Not 20 minutes later, you helped him set the table while Eunni washed her hands, sneaking random touches and kisses, making you feel warm and butterflies inside. You all sat down to eat, talking about animals Eun-hee likes, you tell them about the children’s weekend at work and how she could volunteer, and have a great meal together.

After she helps with the dirty dishes, Chanyeol has her go brush her teeth. Seeing her walk towards the bathroom, he makes you turn to face him and he says, “Don’t tell her but I got a couple of chocolate cupcakes for us later. I’ll go read her a book and get her to fall asleep, shouldn’t be longer than 30 minutes? Wait for me?,” he asks with a kiss on your cheek.

“Of course,” you say. You busy yourself washing up the dishes and getting things in order, and before you know it he is back, pulling the cupcakes out of the cupboard.

“Want a cup of tea? Or wine?”

“Tea would be better, I’ve got to drive home… and I don’t want you having to explain this to your mom over the phone, you know?,” you joke with him.

He boils the kettle for a cup of peppermint tea for you and a green tea for him.

“Do you want to sit up here on the counter or do you want to move to the couch?,” he tentatively says, nerves apparent on him.

“Couch is fine,” your eyes lift from the cup of tea towards his eyes.

You both sit comfortably, not too close, not too far apart. You talk about the test, and you thank him for giving you the space on the couple of days before it happened, so you could concentrate.

“No big deal, I mean… I was a bit worried that if I continued texting you every day you may think I’m going in a bit too strong, or you’ll get tired of me,” he softly comments while picking at his cupcake.

“I love your texts! I sometimes am guilty of being a bit too detached, so it’s fun to have someone who reminds me I exist. And you’re funny, so, you know… don’t stop them?,” you can’t look at him while you say that, kind of embarrassed to think that if it were up to you, you’d love nothing more than flirting by text and hearing his voice on the phone all the time.

“Did you like the cupcake?,” he turns to you.

“Loved it. And dinner was amazing too. You’re a good cook!,” you compliment, mimicking his gesture and turning towards him.

“Thanks! Took me a while to learn, but I got adventurous while Eunni was too young to complain!,” he laughs.

A sort of weird silence falls between you. In between laughter and comments, you were shifting closer together without noticing, and your knees were touching by now.

“I’m nervous,” you confess.

“Me too,” he agrees, “I just… I want to kiss you and I’m not sure how to go about this. I feel so out of touch with this whole dating thing, I’m sorry,” he rests his head on his hands as if he was ashamed, or embarrassed about this.

You’ve never been one to take control of a relationship, but if you don’t do something now you’ll forever regret it. Slowly you take a hand off his head and move it to your leg as your own hand is on his neck.

“Kiss me, then.”

Looking into each other’s eyes, you make small moves approaching the other’s mouth and feeling his hot breath on your lips makes you dizzy with anticipation. His kiss is soft, as if his lips molded specifically to yours. You open your mouth and use the tip of your tongue to tickle the edge of his bottom lip, you feel his smile under your kiss and in an act of bravery you turn your chest more towards him, one hand on his shoulder and the other on his neck, running your fingers through his hair and pushing slightly on him to lean back against the backrest of the couch you are sitting on.

Nerves or no nerves, you can tell he’s warming up to the situation when his hand finds your lower back and his fingers tentatively touch you and pull you towards him. His gesture spurs you on, taking the kiss further and making full contact with his open mouth. With his other hand he’s caressing your cheek, and you can feel the heat rising in your chest, wanting to feel more of him on you.

You let yourself take the lead as you move your body towards his, breaking the kiss momentarily to smile at him, and, foreheads touching you tell him “if you want to stop this at any time, let me know,” and then officially take control, hovering over him and sitting on his lap, one leg on either side of his hips, your hands on his neck and diving onto another kiss.

He is pleasantly surprised and resolves to resting his hands on your waist but not without increasing the hold he has on you. Adrenaline is coursing through your veins, experiencing this kiss with all your senses - his smell, his breath, his touch, the taste of his lips, and the gaze you see behind his hooded eyes. All of them say desire, and your own body responds with the same word.

Losing all track of time with his hands on you, your body has relaxed upon him and he seems to have caught up on the rhythm of the situation as he pushes you off him lightly to lay your back on the couch and hover over you.

“You said you were nervous,” you tease him as he adjusts his position.

“I don’t see you complaining about nerves now either,” he replies and seals your mouth with another passionate kiss. His hands are more confident, and one is holding onto your neck as the other has made its way under the loose fabric of your sweater, the only thing separating your torso from him is the tank top you wore underneath.

Your hand travels up his back, holding onto his shoulder, and you’d be a liar if you said you didn’t feel the warmth emanating from under his jeans. Alas, you also know that if you don’t stop this, you may be taking things too far - not that you don’t want him with every fibre of your being, but you do want to take your time with this relationship, and you know he does too.

As the kiss breaks and you both catch up on the speed of your heart rate and breath, an unspoken halt is declared.

He sits up, biting his bottom lip and smoothing his hair down while you make your way upright and try to fix your clothes and hair.

“That was… something,” he says with a crooked smile.

“Yeah I call that making out like a pair of teenagers,” you laugh.

“You ok stopping this? I don’t want to make you feel like I don’t want this to go on, but, you know,” he gestures with his hands, not knowing how to express the feelings inside his chest.

“Yeah. We said we’d take things slow, no?,” you say as you stand up from the couch, “plus, I don’t want to overstay my welcome!”

He stands up, towering over you and cups your cheek with his hand.

“Not going to happen,” he plants a small peck on your lips, holds your hand and walks with you to the door, “did you park far?”

“Couple of blocks,” you answer.

“Call me to tell me you made it safe in the car? I’d walk you but I don’t want to leave Eunni alone,” he asks of you.

“I will, don’t worry.”


	9. Chapter 9

You had celebrated your exam result with Chanyeol, but your group of friends were not going to let you avoid a party night out on the town, and that’s how you ended up at a trendy restaurant, 6 of you around a big table: You, your sister Hana, your two university housemates, and a couple of the girls from work. Since it wasn’t the first time they all got together, the conversations were easy, without awkward silences, and most of all, a very happy and fun reunion.

“Wait wait wait,” asked Sunny, your first ever bff at university and housemate, “I don’t see you for 2 months while I’m working abroad and you’re in this relationship with this guy?? What happened to sharing ALL our secrets?”

“Oh no, don’t get her wrong,” Ani, one of your work colleagues said, “she’s kept it from ALL of us except her sister!!”

“Come on, girls, you have to understand… you know what I went through with my last relationship and I was not ready to get too happy or too excited about this guy, I needed some time to process it all,” you pleaded for mercy.

“And by it all, you mean his dick!” Jennie, your other former housemate said, making your sister spit out half a glass of martini and nearly choke on the rest.

“You’re so crude!! No, there’s been none of that,” you confess, twirling the olives in your own drink.

“Wait wait wait. You mean to tell me that you’ve been with this guy for 2 months and there’s been no hanky panky???” Sunny was mouth-wide-open surprised.

“I’ve not been with him for 2 months. I’ve known him for 2 months. I mostly just saw bits of him for the first weeks, he took me out once and he had me over for dinner the last time,” you dished out details.

“At his house???” Lily asked “this is what happens when our shifts change. I miss out on all the good gossip,” she laughed.

“Yeah, his house, but…”

“But what? Cooking for you means COOKING FOR YOU, you know??” Jennie said, with hand gestures that embarrassed all of you.

“His daughter was with us,” you tell them. The silence around the table was thick as they all eyed each other.

“He has a kid??” Ani and Lily asked at once.

“And this is my cue to go to the bathroom,” your sister, Hana, excused herself.

After ordering another round of drinks and your dinner orders, you took to explaining to them what the situation was, how Hana introduced you unknowingly setting off the chain of events.

“Ok but her mother is gone. No weird ex hanging around trying to convince the kid you’re evil?” Lily was trying to comprehend, “I guess that’s the best way, really. My ex had 2 kids with the ex-wife around and remember how well that turned out…”

Hana returned to the table as your drinks were being refreshed.

“Thing is, you guys,” you dropped your voice a little, “I am SO horny for this guy.”

Jennie, Lily, Ani, and Sunny laughed out loud while your sister tried not to choke for the second time tonight.

“That’s why I was wondering, I mean, 2 months with any guy at our age you’re already thinking whether to take things further or move along to the next candidate,” Jennie said.

“Ok ok,” Ani interrupted, “Tell us ALL about him, spare no detail, you know I love imagining these things.”

The entire table roared for details, and you tried to shush them out.

You spoke about his height, his smile, that cute dimple he gets, how his hands are big and firm, how his hair does this flip thing across his forehead and he tries to keep it back unsuccessfully, what he does for his job, how cute he is with his kid…

“I’m in love with him already,” Sunny says, and asks the waiter for more drinks.

And then you started telling them about the cute arcade date, how easy the whole thing felt, how conversation is good and fun and unpretentious, how his kiss took you by surprise, and you may have left out the “sleeping over at your place by accident” situation since it’d only give them more fuel.

When you got on to telling them about the dinner at his place with his daughter, you felt the heat rise within you. You pulled your phone out to show them a picture of him, and the wolf-whistles and comments your friends made about him were enough for the whole restaurant to hear and you to gush over for eternity.

The rest of the evening was full of stories from your pasts, reminiscing about awful boyfriends, thinking how Lily’s boyfriend may be moving in with her, and discussing all the love affairs from the past.

Two hours and a taxi ride later, you couldn’t be happier to take off your shoes.

\--

By the time you woke up, the effect of the analgesic you took before bed had long worn off and your mouth felt like sandpaper.

You sent a good morning text to Chanyeol, then went to the shower to wash off the hangover.

His reply was waiting for you as you reached the next glass of water “Good morning? That’s all I get? :) “

“Yeah, I’m so hangover now… should I say anything else?”

“LOL don’t worry. I’m working late tonight, but do you want to go out tomorrow?”

“Sure! Pick me up?”

You tried to go about your day, once the horrible dreadful spin-of-the-room feeling went away you stocked up on groceries, rented a movie, and ran errands. Once you got home you picked up your phone, thinking about calling your sister and ask if she wanted company tonight since her husband was out of town.

And then you saw it.

Chanyeol (mobile) Outgoing call. Yesterday, 8.21pm. 5 minutes.

“Oh no… OH NO” you tried to retrace your steps. If you sat down by 7.45, and knowing you all drank fast, one drink is down before 8.00. Second drink is down by 8.15… You recall your sister going to check in on the babysitter at 8.30 right before your dinner arrived.

OH MY GOD NO.

\---

8.20pm, the previous evening

You smile at your phone, then tuck it away in the clutch you kept next to you, “and half the time I’ve to tell myself don’t call Chanyeol just because I want to hear that sexy voice of his!”

“He’s FUCKING hot, you mean,” one said. “DILF material,” another followed. “Yup. Ovary-destroying smile,” and another one. “Ok this is totally inappropriate, I teach his kid,” Hana tried to go deaf and blind about the whole situation.

“So you understand my issue?? We made out like horny teenagers on his couch, and if it had been up to me, I would’ve pounced on his skinny ass right there!” your third drink had obviously worked wonders to loosen up your tongue.

“Hear hear!!” The entire table cheered on you.

“I’m sooooo horny for him, he’s good-looking, adorable, funny, caring, a good kisser, and… well… my thigh felt IT way hard, you know?”

“HEAR HEAR!!! To Y/N getting laid soon!” Jennie was raising her glass and screaming now, feeling your blood rush to your cheeks but laughing along because if anyone could make you feel like having sex is a reason for toasting, it’s this girl.

\---

Present time

You must have pressed hard on the home button as you put your phone away.

“Don’t call Chanyeol…. SIRI YOU FUCKING IDIOT. You never work when I ask you to do something, but I say DON’T DO something and you go and call Chanyeol?”

As if by magic, it happened again. It was ringing him. You frantically tried to stop the call from going through.

“What’s up? I’m at work :-/ ” He texted in reply to the missed call.

“Nothing urgent, but Chanyeol, can I ask you something really quick?”

“Sure, go ahead, we have 10 minutes to curtain up”

“Last night. Did you get a call from me?”

“yes”

“How much did you hear?”

“About what exactly?”

You could see his smirk from your couch and under the blanket you were hiding behind out of embarrassment, even while you were home alone.

“About what I talked about with my friends” please say no please say no please say no

“I heard enough, I think? Some things were so enthusiastically discussed. :) I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 7, ok? Curtain up now!”

After reading that, you put the phone down and threw 5 pillows on top of it as you stood looking at the pile of cushions as if he could see you through the phone and the feathers and the fabric.

He totally heard it. He heard that you were horny. That you felt his dick on your thigh. That your friends think he’s hot. That you want to pounce on his ass. How on earth are you meant to keep a straight face when he picks you up tomorrow?

You forego calling your sister. You can’t possibly face her because you’d have to tell her and right now any admission of guilt would be worse for you than it already feels. Tonight is for loneliness and learning how to disable Siri.

\---

The next morning you retrieved your phone from under its prison of pillows and decide to go to yoga to cleanse your mind off the gigantic mistake you made, then go to a juice bar to cleanse your body of all the alcohol still running through your bloodstream, and you got a facial because, well, why not?

At 6pm you started getting jittery. You had showered, styled your hair, removed any unwanted hair, moisturized so much you’re basically a drop away from a walking oil spill, and now you only needed to get your make up done and dress up.

But all that didn’t take away the small nagging doubt in your mind. You had said all those things with your girlfriends, and Chanyeol is too polite to say you were being rude, but a part of him may think you were rude. What if he’s meeting you just to leave you? But what if it’s the opposite? What if he heard what he wanted to hear?

You put on a skirt and a tight sweater, long boots, and your pea coat. Try to act normal, not like you’re going out there in a nightgown to seduce him, right?

When he texted that he was downstairs, you took a final glance in the mirror and let fate take control.

He was looking dashing as ever in grey and black with dark jeans, and if his kiss was a symbol of his feelings towards the conversation he overheard, he’s definitely not dumping you.

“Do you like sushi? I’ve heard of this really cool place and I want to try it out!,” he asks, smiling.

“Sure,” you reply, more silent than anything.

He’s telling you about last night’s ballet and how the orchestra sounded nice and suddenly he parks the car in the middle of nowhere.

“Ok, you obviously have something you need to get out,” he says, “let’s take the whole thing out in the open, ok??”

You stare at him, eyes wide open like saucers.

“Yes I overheard the conversation. And yes, maybe I should’ve canceled the call when I realized it wasn’t meant to happen. But… I liked hearing how you felt,” he unfastened his seatbelt and moved towards you.

“You think I’m good looking?,” he kissed you lightly, “I think you’re pretty”

You smiled.

“You think I’m adorable?,” he touched your nose with his, “I think you’re cute.”

You giggled.

“You think I’m a DILF? I don’t even know what that is, so I won’t ask, but I think you and I have something going on here and I hope that that stupid call won’t stop it, ok?”

You nodded, and added, “I’m sorry. I just feel embarrassed about it all, I had been drinking and when I go out with these horrible girls and I drink, my mouth gets all loose.”

“They’re your friends, don’t call them horrible,” he comments, “but please do thank them for calling me… what was it? Ovary-destroying?”

You had to laugh at that one. He buckled up again and started driving. By the time you reached the restaurant your worries were gone.

The host seated you by the big window overlooking the busy street, where you could the snow had started coming down again. After ordering what the waiter thought was too much food - obviously unaware of your appetite combined with Chanyeol’s - you opened up a little and told him all about the girls you went out with.

“So, Sunny & Jennie were my housemates. Sunny and I were roommates in dorms together the first year and we brought Jennie with us to the rented on-campus house from second year on,” you explained.

You continued with their studies, and how their lives are. Then you moved on to Lily and Ani, your work colleagues. Ani is one of the best technicians you work with and she’s studying to get her VMD, and Lily is a vet like you, but she specializes in surgeries.

In return, Chanyeol told you about his former band mates - you’ve heard about Jongin, Kyungsoo, Junmyeon and Baekhyun, but he is elaborating on their stories. Junmyeon is an “old married man” with a child on the way, Kyungsoo has a steady string of dates, Jongin refuses to settle down, and Baekhyun is trying to forget an ex. Chanyeol shares how they got together, and how he feels without their help he couldn’t have gotten out of the sadness and depression of the initial single dad period.

“They seem to be great friends, and Eunni likes them lots, right?”

“Oh yeah she’s head over heels in love with Jongin. I think it’s mostly his dogs, he likes to bring her on walks when he goes to the park to play with them!” Chanyeol laughs, and you can tell his eyes tell you these guys are his great friends in life.

“I hope one day I’ll get to meet them,” you cautiously say.

“Absolutely.”

When the check appears, you try to split it with him but he refuses, saying he has to take you out on a “proper date” that doesn’t involve burger sauce and an arcade game.

He holds your hand outside the restaurant and you decide it’s early so you go get a quick drink at a bar nearby. The quiet atmosphere is dark and cozy, the music is sensual, and your senses are very aware of the man you are here with, who’s just returning from the bar after opening a tab.

“It’s nice here, don’t you think?,” he whispers as he slides into the sofa next to you.

“Why are you whispering?,” you smile.

“I don’t know it’s quiet in here, I know my voice carries!!” It’s true. His baritone drops can be heard over any sounds, but you always thought it was just you hearing it as you were listening for him.

“I had a good time tonight, the restaurant was so nice, and this bar is very… elegant. More than my usual digs,” you say looking around, while you’re feeling his hand touching yours, finger by finger, as if to memorize the feeling of your skin on his.

You look up at him, and there’s something different in him. An aura of ease and safety that draws you in and pulls your own body towards him, tilting your head just so it can fit nicely next to his as his lips part and find yours. The hunger in your stomach is not for lack of food, you feel a definite desire for him that you can’t satisfy in a single kiss, or intertwining one of his hands to one of yours the way they are now.

He feels the waitress approach with your drinks, breaking the heavy kiss briefly much to your obvious need of him. Taking a small sip of his drink, he turns to you.

“Y/N… What I overheard on the call, well,” he moves his head and neck in a small motion indicating discomfort, “I like you. I like you a lot. And you’ve come into my life and my daughter’s in a way that no one else has been able to, because I was closed off to the possibility of this taking place, at least until she was well into her teens!,” he smiles nervously, “but what I mean to say is, it’s been a long time since I felt how I felt listening to you say those things about me.” He takes another sip of his drink, probably to deviate his attention from the words he just spoke.

“Chanyeol, listen,” you hold his hand steady with yours, “I said what I said while I was a little drunk and amongst girlfriends who usually are a lot cruder than what you heard. I didn’t mean for you to feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything. Yes I want to continue this relationship, and yes I want to take things further but I also can wait because I think we have a good thing going.”

“Eunni is with my mom tonight. She’s staying there,” he toys with your fingers.

“Oh,” you bite your lip and consider replying, but before you can, he continues.

“I don’t promise anything, but I really want to take steps with you.”

You finish your drinks in between meaningful glances, stealth touches, shy smiles, and unspoken words in silence. Once you’re back on the street, he flips the collar of your pea coat up a little to cover your neck better and tugs on it towards him, making you tiptoe and smile for a kiss.

“Should we head home?,” he asks into your lips.

The drive to his place is quiet, as is the ride up the elevator to his apartment. Your legs are shaking, but you’re not cold, and your entire body vibrates with a sense of uncertainty and desire. You like this guy, you reeeeally like this guy, and for once, going to his place is not a simple step further. It’s meaningful, like you’re one drop away from falling in love.

He turns the key in the lock. His eyes look into yours. Take a step.


	10. Chapter 10

He stepped inside and flicked the lights on, holding the door open for you to come in. He hung his coat up and helped you out of yours, which he thoughtfully placed on a coathanger.

“It’s always so quiet in here without her,” Chanyeol quietly says running a hand through his hair and walking towards the centre of the apartment’s living room area.

“I imagine,” you reply. You walk to him, reaching his back and you place a hand on the lower part of his neck, then let your fingers drop slowly along his spine.

Chanyeol turns around and his hands cup your face while he leans in for a kiss. His lips are strangely quivering, needing your reassurance that it’s ok, that whatever happens tonight is not going to spoil the small journey you both have embarked upon. Your response kiss is soft and welcoming, content in small doses as intensity builds up, your hands reach his waist and you pull him to you by the belt-loops of his jeans. That makes him smile, ease into the situation, recognize you’re in this as much as he is.

He guides you to the sofa, witness to your recent lust buildup, and he sits on it, pulling you to his lap and kissing your cheek with care. You sit on his lap sideways, your arms around his neck with your hands tangled in his hair, kissing passionately with the safe knowledge that this time there’s no need to keep an eye open for anyone to intrude upon your bubble.

Chanyeol’s right arm cradles your body into his, enveloping your back and resting on your hip while his left hand is firmly on your knee, unmovable.

You tug at him to switch positions and you lay on your back, but before he can lean towards you you pull at the hem of his sweater, sneaking your hands under it and taking it off his body, leaving him in a white t-shirt and a head full of messy hair hovering over you. Your thoughts are racing, he looks so beautiful and soft at the moment that you just know you’re in deep and there’s no turning back from this feeling.

His own hand is steady grabbing at your hip to hold you close to him but his hold is momentary when he looks into your eyes questioning his next moves, slowly reaching under your own sweater. His gaze softens instantly upon touching the soft skin of your stomach, as if he was expecting another layer to peel and has been surprised by its absence. You arch your neck to reach his lips giving him access to fully slip an arm under your back, feeling his bare arm touching your bare skin, his warmth seeping through all of your pores, a welcoming sensation that destroys any doubts you may have had still.

“You can, if you want…” you say into the kiss, making him stop and look at you, pondering the correct thing to do but eventually choosing to follow your lead.

He leans back a little to allow himself some room, looking at your figure sprawled under him. Both hands touch the edges of your hips, slip under your garment and move upwards as you raise your arms and help him take it off you. The sweater is discarded aside and he returns his eyes on you, for a split second looking over your hair spilled all over his sofa, your skin only covered by your bra and your skirt, and taking in every detail, marveled by your body.

His lips crash into yours, hands all over each other. His kisses veer towards your ear, where you can hear his words: “You are so beautiful” repeated occasionally as soft touches melt the outside world away from this perfect moment.

In a second of clarity you gather up the facts that you’re still on a sofa. “Chanyeol, can we take this to the bedroom?,” your question is slightly tinted with pink fluster, but there’s little doubt in your mind that this is headed somewhere bigger than a sofa allows.

Chanyeol pushes back and stands up, gathers both your discarded tops and offers you a hand, leading you to his room. Once inside your other hand demands his, and you place them around your waist while you take his remaining shirt off, leaving him in the same state of undress as you. Hands fly all over each other’s chests, circling waists, caressing backs, and leaving hot imprints throughout. You pop the button of his dark jeans open, but don’t dare go further - you want him to show you he’s ready for more, you can’t push him into it, but his own hands undo the zipper of your skirt, and he kneels in front of you sliding the garment down your legs.

You take 2 steps in place to set the skirt aside and he doesn’t move. His hands circle your calves and move up the back of your legs to your hips as his eyes travel upwards and look at you in a savoring manner, wanting to enjoy you visually before he actually tastes you. Taking a deep breath he stands up and draws down the zipper on his jeans, now falling low on his hips and you swallow hard, your fingers ghosting around the wide elastic band of his underwear, you push the rough denim fabric down past his hips and it falls to the floor.

He makes a quick motion for you to sit on the bed as he kicks his jeans off and then moves to sit next to you. Clumsy hands on each other’s bodies make both of you giggle as you kiss, and you lay back on the bed with him by your side enjoying his gentle touch. His mouth moves to your jaw leaving soft kisses down your neck and your shoulder, and you consider for a brief moment to allow yourself to lazily enjoy his actions, however your own desire is too strong and your hands roam the expanse of his back and enjoy trailing each curve of his chest and torso.

Your willpower is short lived as his lips reach your breasts. A gasp escapes your lips when you feel his hot breath on your nipple over your bra, and your other breast being caressed slowly.

“You smell pretty,” he comments, kissing his way up to your face again.

You roll him on his back and return the physical compliment by kissing in a languid manner from the shell of his ear, around his jawline, past his neck, reaching his chest. His breathing is shallow under you, and you intertwine your hands with his as a reassuring note that his desire for you is reciprocated. You nip on his collarbone, making him whimper a little, and use your tongue to move to one of his nipples, teasing him for what he did to you.

Chanyeol reaches a hand behind your back and for a second the whole world stands still. There’s no noise, no air, no distractions. Only your eyes on each other, his asking for a permission yours grant, and as you kiss him, his hands fumble with your bra for a moment before it opens and slides off your body, then he moves to sit up as you straddle him, arms around each other leaving no room between your bodies. You recline back in his arms when he starts kissing you entire torso, neck, collarbones, chest, finding is lips around a nipple and sucking on it, making you whimper in pleasure.

Movement makes you both crash back into the bed and in a second of clarity you have the mind to ask for protection. His frozen face registers the issue for a moment and freezes.

“Go get my bag from the entrance hall, Chanyeol,... you fool” he sprints out like lightning and in the meantime you get under the covers to wait for him. After a triumphant return, he dives under the sheets with you and acts as if there was never an interruption, just the trace of a smile that says I know I screwed that up but let’s pretend I didn’t.

There is little doubt in your mind that this is going great. His touch is firm but sweet, his kisses are heaven on your skin, and you’re enjoying every inch of his body on yours. You decide to take a lead and slip a finger under the waistband of his boxers, and feel his body shiver under your touch. “Are you ok?,” you whisper, fully willing to step back if needed but secretly hoping he won’t ask you to. “Yes, of course,” he kisses your worry away and you take a chance to place your hand under the cotton fabric to grab onto his naked ass and pull him to you. His erection is pushing hard on your leg and this time without his jeans to contain it, you can feel his length and warmth in a delicious sinful way.

With his eyes locked on yours, his hand mirrors your own and hooks onto your underwear, you nod and lay back, allowing him to take the only piece separating you from absolute nudity. He studies your body as he’s taking it off, in a way that you find sweet, he’s not rushing and he’s obviously appreciative of the situation. When he’s done you take over and take your time looking at him as you take his underwear off and then you’re both naked, vulnerable, open, and flustered.

His open mouth reaches yours and your kisses swallow any of the words he’s trying to say. In this very moment you just want to feel him, be with him, but he breaks the kiss to say something to you. In the reflection of the soft light, his cheeks look rounded and youthful, his lips are sinfully beautiful, and his eyes somehow are scared.

“You… you’re the first in a long time, you know that? I don’t, I mean I’ve never dated since the breakup, and I’m worried you won’t enjoy this… am I making sense?”

You can’t reply to that with words that will help him, you choose to help him see your answer with actions. You reach over to your handbag and grab a condom, push him on his back and kiss him deeply as you open it.

“Chanyeol, look at me,” you ask of him. When he is fully locked under your gaze you touch his hard dick and roll the condom on, then kiss him again. “This is not a disappointment at all, and I am really enjoying myself. I feel happy that you think I was worth sharing this with,” you say, forehead touching forehead, looking at him with a confidence you have no idea where you dug it from. And then he smiles, turning your insides into a puddle, feeling your blood rush through your veins in a different way.

He takes your body and lays you back, hovers over you and you feel his lips on your neck. “Stop me if you want, ok?,” you hear on your ear, and you nod, knowing there’s nothing you want to happen in this world to stop this moment.

You take him into your hand and position him to you, feeling the weight of his body on yours, and noticing the gradual stretch inside you as he eases in, inch by inch, filling you up entirely until you know your bodies are one. Moving in slow motion, he pulls and pushes, pacing his thrusts to your breathing.

Your mind is racing with all the thoughts: from the minute you met him, his disarming smile, the first coffee you shared, his devotion to his kid, the first time you dated, the confusion in both your eyes, the first kiss you had, the rush of blood through your heart, and now, physically loving each other in the most intimate way, you have no doubt that you have fallen head over heels for him - the way you feel is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced and there is no chance you’ll ever let go.

His head is filled with sentiments. The jolt of joy he felt the first time you smiled at him. The vulnerability he displayed when you offered him your number. The gratitude he felt when you were open to helping him. The beauty of your skin across the table from him on your first date. The scent of you invading his senses through that first kiss. And the undeniable marvel that is your body under him now, adapting to his thrusts, enveloping him with a love he has not felt in years. He concentrates on you, on your pleasure, because if he allows himself to think of the warmth you brought into his life he may burst into tears.

Speeding up the rhythm, your body shivers under the touch of the hand he reached between you to please you in the same way he is feeling. When he’s secured your climax he holds your hand in his, looking into your eyes you see his pupils dilating, his body moving faster, his legs tremble and his face softens up with the final release.

The next morning, lazy limbs tangled between the sheets, you sense the warmth of his chest on your back, the heaviness of his arm around your hip. A peach-colored dawn illuminates the room, you open your eyes and take in a deep breath. Not a dream. Your reality. You eventually fall back asleep with a smile on your face


	11. Chapter 11

Waking up next to him didn’t get old with time. The east-facing window of his bedroom always let a beautiful stream of peach-tinted hues as sunrise woke you up. Feeling his warm body by your side and the heavy breathing moving his chest up and down, you felt entirely open and strangely powerful, like you had been given something no one else in the world had. You wanted to protect it and cherish it yet at the same time show it and proudly display it.

For the first handful of weeks after your first night together you were discreet, mostly for Eun-hee, you did not want to confuse her about your presence in their household of two, and from conversations with Chanyeol you had gathered the difficult conversation they had some time before your first date. His mom took Eun-hee as you spent the night here with him, or at your apartment.

Shortly after these activities became more habitual, in the middle of a war of dish soap bubbles, you blurted out that you loved him and that took him by surprise. You continued as if nothing had happened, but the air was thick with the words you said and the lack of a response. Later that night as you got to the bedroom and dimmed the lights, he hugged you tight before you could remove his shirt and, in the darkness of shadows and highlights he whispered that he loved you too. All this lead to “The Conversation” between you both - you needed to define what you were and you needed to figure out how to present the situation to his daughter and his family.

Meeting his sister was easy, you had a lot of things in common; and once the initial embarrassment of you meeting his mom and dad wore off you all got on really well. But the most important member of the family was actually the youngest.

“Eunni, Y/N and I are here because we want to talk to you for a minute, do you think you can talk to us too?,” Chanyeol asked his kid, as you all sat on the floor with coloring pencils, hoping the activity would help ease the conversation along.

“Sure, dad!,” she was more interested in the rainbow assortment of pencils, by the looks of it.

“Y/N and I have been seeing more of each other recently in the last months. I know you’ve seen her here, when she comes over for dinner, or for pancakes on Sundays,” he smiled, “but we have wanted to talk to you about some stuff, haven’t we, Y/N?”

“Yes,” you felt a rush to the read, you had rehearsed this but now it was real, “Eun-hee, your dad and I have been seeing each other as much more than friends. We are boyfriend and girlfriend, and I want to know how you feel about this. Your dad loves you, you are important to me and I like being your friend, so your opinion matters a lot to us,” you finished your words quickly.

“Mmhhmm. Do you love each other?,” the kid went straight to the core of the issue.

“We do,” Chanyeol said, “very much. And I would like for Y/N to continue coming here more often, being with both of us, but we want you to tell us if you think it’s weird or you don’t like it?”

“I like Y/N, dad!,” she turned to you and asked, “will you watch movies with me again? And play dress up?”

“Anytime, Eunni,” you felt your heart explode at the simplicity of her answers.

“Eunni,” Chanyeol interjected, “if Y/N were to have sleepovers here, would you be ok with that?”

“Can she read to me at bedtime?”

“Of course I can,” you answered.

“I like you. Dad likes you. It’s great.” And like that, the conversation ended.

By the time summer had arrived, you were a staple in their apartment. You had started sharing some of their household responsibilities: cooking for them (ok, heating up stuff in the oven), tidying up, picking Eunni up at school on days that you were off, you help her with homework, and dress-up Friday evenings no longer involve high heels and short skirts but tutus and tiaras.

At school, the end of the school year meant a showcase event and Hana’s class put in a performance where each of the kids were portraying a thing related to summer - Eunni was a BBQ chef, and you helped her create her perfect outfit, chef’s hat and all. Your sister smiled at you from the distance when she noticed you and Chanyeol in the crowd. She hated to admit she had her reservations at the beginning of your relationship, but you made a great couple.

Your birthday was coming up, and on this particular Saturday morning you were all having a late start after sleeping in late, and once showers and tidying up was done, you were about to have breakfast at their apartment and discuss your plans to visit an amusement park for the weekend of your birthday, when the bell rang and you motioned to open the door.

“Hello, can I help you?,” you asked the woman at the door.

“I don’t know, who are you?”

“I’m just... visiting, are you looking for Chanyeol?”

“Yes. I am,” she crossed her arms and waited as you call him over.

“Chanyeol, someone at the door…”

The crash of the bowl full of pancake batter against the floor startled you less than the look he had on his face as he walked over to you.

“What are you doing here?,” he had left the mess on the floor, and wanted to move to the corridor, but the cramped narrow quarters of the entrance didn’t help.

“I thought I’d come and check how my daughter and her dad are doing, I’ve been thinking about you. Did you miss me?”

“Y/N please go check on Eunni,” Chanyeol’s voice was dark and different.

You looked shocked and didn’t know what to do. This is the woman who left him, the one who gave birth to his daughter, the reason for his unhappiness, years of hard work as a single parent, the destruction of his self-esteem, his difficult journey into trusting your relationship.

“Dad….” you heard Eunni’s words faintly from inside the apartment, behind your back.

“Go to her. NOW, she can't see this happening,” he ordered you between clenched teeth.

You went inside the living room area and closed the door behind you, not without hearing her say to him, “Who is she, she’s cute I guess...”

You turned the tv on for Eunni to get distracted and asked her to make you something out of her clay to bake later. Trying to act as if nothing happened, you cleaned the mess by the door, something to do while you waited for him to get back, but unable to ignore the conversation behind the thin door with frosted glass.

“Why can’t I come in? After all, it’s my apartment too,” her tone of voice didn’t sound nice, who was this person?

“You’ll only confuse her and make things worse,” Chanyeol replied, his voice firm.

“She’s my daughter, you know, and you and I have unfinished business, so let me see her, ok?,” you heard steps and Chanyeol saying “just don’t,” but you barely got out of the door’s way when it swung open.

“Eun-hee, bunny….” she kneeled on the floor and opened her arms, expecting her daughter to fly to her seeking a warm embrace.

Eunni remained in place, looked over to your confused face, looked to her dad, who currently was fighting angry tears and had a facial expression you had never seen on him. “Who are you?,” she asked.

“I’m your mom, bunny,” the sickly sweet tone of her voice seeped through broken cracks inside her words, sounding fake and demanding at once.

“Dad?”

The woman took a step further, and Eunni recoiled, seeking shelter behind you.

“Why are you hiding from me, bunny? Mommy is here, can’t you give me a hug?”

Was this woman deranged? Her expression read anything except love, and she was scaring her own child.

“Can you move?,” she asked looking at you. You felt genuinely scared. “It’s all good and well that you seem to have taken up a spot on my husband’s bed, but at least let me get to my kid.”

The wave of anxious adrenaline coursing through your bloodstream since you opened that door skyrocketed at her words. Your legs no longer supported you, you can’t feel your own hands, your chest is narrowing and crushing your lungs to the point of not breathing, and if you had eaten, you’re sure you would have thrown up.

With a dry mouth and wet eyes you turned to Chanyeol, expecting an answer, but your silent question was broken by a piercing cry from Eunni, now entirely glued to your leg because that woman had taken another step towards you.

“Y/N…” Chanyeol starts saying in a low voice at the same time as your name comes out of Eunni’s mouth in sobs.

You lower yourself to the ground and hug Eunni, patting her legs to get her to circle around your waist, then standing up again, trying to comfort her, shield her from what was attacking both of you. You were stronger than her, even if at this very moment you felt dead inside.

“Y/N please can you take Eunni out for breakfast, I’ll come for you when this is done.”

No sooner had the words left his mouth that you were walking to the front door, slipping shoes on both of you, grabbing your handbag and closing the door to the apartment, seeking fresh air away from the violent tension inside that room.

Eun-hee was frozen on the spot, tears streaming through her face, her age obviously too young and unable to comprehend what happened, who this person was that she never remembered meeting, and why her dad was so tense.

You picked her up, fighting your own tears and hoping you can maintain your composure long enough for this to wash over, for Chanyeol to come back to you saying everything is worked out, for both of you to put the pieces of Eunni back together.


	12. Chapter 12

“A latte, a cold milk with vanilla syrup, a poppy seed and lemon muffin and a bagel with cream cheese, thanks,” you tell the barista, then swipe your card to pay, and grab Eunni’s hand again.

“You want to pick a spot to sit, sweetie?,” you ask her, hoping a little distraction as simple as finding a spot to sit on will crack her open.

She’s been crying the 5 minutes it took you to walk here, and has been sobbing quietly on your arms while you queued. You’ve no doubt people are looking at you like you’re a single mother unable to console your child and for once, you feel the judgement in their stares.

You sit her down on a small table for 2, wipe her tears off her face and ask her to wait there, since the barista called your name for the order.

“Eunni, darling, talk to me? It’s really difficult to understand feelings when you keep them bottled up, so talking helps…”

“I don’t know that lady. She didn’t look friendly. I don’t know why she was home. Is she my mom?,” she’s full of doubts and fear.

“Well honey, it seems like she is. You know she went away a while ago, and I know daddy and you have discussed that one day she would be back. I can see that it would have been better if you had known ahead of time, but things sometimes just happen…” you are trying so hard not to badmouth this woman. It’s her mother, after all. But her sudden appearance, her manners (or lack thereof), and her forthright approach to a child she hasn’t seen in years was not adequate.

“Why was dad angry? I have never seen dad angry,” she starts sobbing again.

“Eunni, dad was angry because of the situation. He didn’t expect this to happen either, and you do not have to worry about that because the angry was not for you, ok? It was about the situation,” you try to sweeten the situation.

She’s eating her muffin slowly, sipping her cold milk. You look out the window, allowing a tear to finally hit home and fall. Her husband. She called your boyfriend her husband. He’s married. She’s an unfriendly ghost of a woman who’s weighed heavily over your relationship from the start, but he lied. He lied.

All of your previous relationships have fallen apart for a lie. A lie is the worst enemy and you are trying to believe in your heart that something is wrong in this, but the truth trumps the lie.

You both eat in silence, and before you can finish your drinks your phone rings.

“Where are you?”

“The coffee house 2 streets away, where we usually get the bagels….” Click.

You swallow hard, pretending the short and blunt conversation didn’t hurt you.

“Eunni, that was dad. He will be here soon, ok? We can talk about everything,” you breathe deep, hoping to gather up the courage to confront this conversation like a grown-up and not cry your eyes out the minute you see the man you love come through that door.

He is a shell of the person you know. His entire presence is dark, where his usual self is bright as the sun.

“Hey darling,” he kisses his daughter on the head. Any hope of a kiss for you vanishes when he grabs a chair to sit.

“Do you want something to drink?,” you ask in hopes of lightening the mood.

“No.”

“Chanyeol, should we take Eunni home? She’s exhausted from crying, maybe she can lay down for a while…”

“Yeah ok.”

His words are sharp as a razorblade, cutting through any intention you may have to fix this. He grabs his daughter and gets up to leave as you swallow your tears and follow them. It’s the first time the 3 of you walk out of this door not holding hands as you head home. His home.

After locking the door behind you, he simply takes Eunni to her bedroom, you hear their words muffled by doors and walls, he closes the door behind him and looks at you standing at the end of the corridor, when you fall to your knees and allow yourself to cry the way you have wanted to cry for over an hour.

“Please, Y/N, don’t…” he is cut short by your words as you look up.

“Married. You are married.”

“Ok listen, this is difficult to explain, and I can’t…”

“Married. You have been married all this time. All this time you didn’t think of telling me?? Did you think it would just go away?” you were in hysterics now, keeping your voice low for the sake of his daughter but not letting a single bottled thought unsaid.

“Let me talk, please?”

You point to the chairs around their dining room table, go to the fridge and grab a bottle of water for each of you and the roll of kitchen paper. There’s no denying there’ll be tears to dry.

“Yes, technically we are still married. We were married when she left, and leaving me unable to contact her, there was no way for me to ask for a divorce. Both parties have to be present for that. I didn't lie, it just didn't come up,” he is trying to say as you cut him short.

“Just didn’t come up? Am I meant to ask every guy I am interested in if he’s married? Hey dude, I like your smile, but please let me see what your history is in case you choose to lie by omission?”

“Ok that hurt.” He says looking at you.

“That hurt? Imagine how it hurts to be the one your daughter goes running to when her psycho of a mother is here telling me you’re still married and I’ve to comfort her while she’s scared. Try that one.”

“Listen to me for a minute instead of getting all irrational, ok? Eunni is confused, she’s hurt, she’s not going through this easy. Her mother has said she wants to get to know her and it is her legal right to do so,” he explains.

“First of all I’m not irrational. I am a woman who is in a relationship with a guy she could see a future with and now it’s all broken into shards of glass. Secondly, I know Eunni is confused. You seem to forget I love her so much, seeing her in pain broke me in half, and I was the one who was comforting her while you had your conversation up here that we still have not talked about. And third, are you crazy?? Your daughter is terrified of her mother and frankly so am I, how are you allowing that to happen, how is that going to work out?”

Tears are now falling in streams down your face, the realization of how massive this screw-up is has reached your heart and you know you’ve lost this fight, this argument, whatever this is, because at no point has he mentioned how your relationship is shaped from this revelation, or even that his feelings for you still stand..

“I can’t deal with you like this. I’ve a daughter to tend to, and in case you forgot, I’m in here too, I’ve had my present invaded by my past, and you’re angry at me. But my kid is priority. My child is the first thing I have to look to, and your demands can’t happen, because she comes first.”

You’re sobbing uncontrollably. Seeing him so coldly discussing how your feelings can be discarded, you’re hurt in ways you never expected, in places you didn’t even know existed in your heart.

“I can’t deal with this. You’re hurting me. Where is the Chanyeol I know?”

“You can’t deal with this? I am not hurting you, and I am here, I am just….I’ve had my life destroyed in 3 minutes, ok? My daughter is in tears caused by her own mother and I have to be the person she trusts, you are not here, you are temporary, you are not her mother, you are just….”

That shot went straight into your heart. Your world stopped for a moment before crumbling into pieces.

“I am not here? Temporary?” You stand up and head to the bedroom. You grab your work bag, the clothes he took off you last night before making love, the book you read before falling asleep in his arms, and your phone charger. “The person Eunni trusted when she felt scared was me. She ran to ME. I love her very much, even if she’s not my child. The fact that you consider our bond temporary is… disgusting. How dare you…”

“Please just understand,...” his voice sounds tired like he wants you to give up and just not fight this.

“Keep your tone down. You don’t want to wake her up,” you are by the kitchen now, looking for your coffee travel mug, locate it inside the dishwasher, and head to the door.

“Y/N stop, you’ve to understand she is everything, she is my all, and she comes before anything else.”

You’re putting your shoes on and look up at him.

“She is your all but I am here too,” your tears made your vision of him blurry, although your heart couldn’t even see the man you loved anymore, “I could help you comfort her and make her understand. I was your friend before we fell in love. You’re forgetting she came to me in her time of need. And you’re throwing me aside. I am not here. You said it.”

You closed the door behind you, you ran to your car and screamed inside it for what seemed like hours, unable to catch your breath and feeling caged inside your own body, before you drove to your sister’s house.

The bell rang fiercely before Hana opened the door and she never expected to find you there, broken like that.

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s married. He’s married. He…. he lied. She is here, she came back, she…” you collapse to the ground in tears, your head hurts because of the pain, you feel dehydrated, but you can’t stop it from happening.

After she let you inside and took your bags off your hands, she called her husband to take the kids out for the afternoon after soccer practice, so you could be alone. She ran a bath for you and prepared the guest bedroom.

When you were drying off, she knocked on the door.

“Ready to talk?,” she cracked the door open a little, like she did when you were teenagers arguing over a pair of jeans.

“I don’t know,” you said putting on pjs.

“Come on, I have wine downstairs and the kids are out with the mister until dinner. We have some time.”

You came downstairs and she offered you a choice. Kettle or corkscrew. The latter was your choice, the former wouldn’t even scratch the surface.

“Tell me what happened, please?”

Opening the door, a wave of displeased emotion, demands on a small child, a nasty omitted fact, comforting a child as confused as you were, the distance he imposed the minute he saw you again, the lack of love you felt in his words, how discarded he made you feel

Hana nodded and sighed, attempted to understand the reasons for all of this happening, but for each of her questions you wailed out about him, about his emotional distance and how he didn’t want your “demands” around.

“Did she mention why she was there?”

“No. All Chanyeol said was that she wants to get to know her daughter and spend time with her,” you took in a deep breath, “and nothing more, at least nothing else he said to me.”

By now you were on your second glass of wine in the middle of the afternoon on a simple cream cheese bagel. The effects were visible on your eyes and noticeable on your speech.

Hana kept trying to make sense, trying to help you understand that Eun-hee being first in his mind didn’t mean he didn’t want you, he just needed time.

“Hana. He said I was not there. I was not her mother. The thing he said I was, is temporary.”

That kept her silent. She always tried to side on the kids’ side, putting their feelings first, but in this particular case, this guy broke her baby sister in half with a word full of charged pain. Child or no child involved, he pulled that trigger and she was in so much pain, so much more than she had ever seen her in.

Tears were falling freely on your face now, and your sister moved to sit by your side and hug you close. No amount of hugging will dry your tears, but the comfort she provided caring for you could at least make you make it through the night.

“Ok honey, you’re staying here with us for now. I am going to ask you to make one call - call your work and tell them you need a couple of days off starting Monday. I just want to make sure you have a night of sleep and some time to at least gather up your thoughts. Please?”

You mustered up the courage and went upstairs to get your phone. Deep breath, you dialed, spoke to the day manager and hung up. Luckily they didn’t ask many questions because you rarely took a day off.

Looking at your phone you opened the messages.

So many good nights. I love you. Take care. Drive safe. I can’t wait to see you. Over half a year of happiness. Now all you’re left with is pain, confusion, and rage.

And perhaps you shouldn’t have done what you did. But you dialed anyway, and you knew he wouldn’t pick up because of the turmoil, but a voicemail will do just fine.


	13. Chapter 13

Chanyeol woke up late in an empty bed, and wondered how Eunni hadn’t woken him up, usually he can hear her piercing cries any damn time he wants to sleep in.

He patted the side of the bed looking for warmth, and perhaps comfort - a fight shouldn’t last past the next morning, he always thought. But the side of the bed was empty, and the silence around the house eerie.

“Maybe she took her out for a morning stroll to the cafe…” he thought, and then got in the shower. Something was amiss but in the morning haze clouding his brain he couldn’t quite put the pieces together. Beads dripping down his hair onto his clean shirt, he made his way out to the bedroom thinking about the words they said to each other last night.

“You are always away. You are always taking all the spare time for yourself and being selfish, I am here too, you know?,”

“Why don’t you try taking care of her once in your life?,”

“Do you think I wanted this?,”

“This was a mistake. The whole thing was a mistake. Getting pregnant was a mistake,”

“I should’ve never had a child when her father is a child himself,”

“Don’t call me immature for telling things like they are,”

Something needs fixing if this marriage is going to work out. She had been so powerful, so independent, so full of life. They met at one of their concerts, she pretended she didn’t even like the bar they were playing at, and Chanyeol being stubborn, the more he thinks someone hates him, the more he wants to get on their good side, to the point of falling in love.

Fast forward through 4 months of dating, 9 months of pregnancy, 1 baby, and 1 shotgun wedding 3 months into the pregnancy, thinking love conquers all. Love can’t heal all the nasty words and how caged he feels whenever she is around. What once was magnetic, strange, and appealing personality, turned into conniving, suspicious, and downright ugly behavior that he was too blind to see in the first place. Damn piercings and red lipstick.

A small cough took him out of his distant thoughts. He opened the slightly ajar pink room’s door, and saw his daughter on her bed, sleeping on her stomach having kicked the covers off. And an open window. For God’s sake, Song-hee, I’ve told you a million times…

He hugs his daughter against his chest and goes to the bedroom to find a hoodie for himself.

“Song-hee… it’s past 10.30am, why didn’t you wake me up??”

His question remained unanswered for years.

\---

You woke up late in an empty bed, wondering how your nephews hadn’t woken you up getting ready for school, when usually they stomp around the house like elephants. And it’s Sunday, so no school.

You observed the side of the bed he would sleep on, and stretched an arm out, hoping that by some divine providence his frame would appear under your fingers and inject warmth into you with his smile.

The house was eerily silent, and you looked at the LED alarm clock. 10.30am. That fight - break-up?- really took all the energy out of you.

As you washed your face you thought about the words spoken yesterday.

“I can’t deal with your demands,” when you only wanted to help Eunni recover.

“You are not her mother,” which doesn’t stop you from loving her.

“You are temporary,”

“You are temporary,”

“You are…”

If you continued circling around the same word you will go crazy and start crying again. You put on some of your sister’s clothes that she had probably dropped off in the middle at the night at the same time as the painkillers and glass of water by your bedside, and went downstairs.

“He’s taken the kids to his mom’s for Sunday lunch,” your sister said out loud, regarding her husband and children, when she felt your feet hesitate at the last turn of the staircase.

You descended the final steps and looked at your sister’s reaction to your face. “I look great, right?”

“You need some more water, a face mask and a lot of sitting down,” she replied, “but first, tea?”

You nodded and sat at their breakfast bar. Your sister had a breakfast bar. You had a kitchen big enough for an under-counter fridge and not even room for a dishwasher. No guest bedroom. You’re basically an adult in name only. Your sister is so much more adult. So much more together. So much more… married. Like he is.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like a piece of shit someone stepped on and dragged against pebbles”

“Well not to be too detailed, but out of 2 bottles of wine I had 3 glasses. Did you take the painkillers this morning?”

“Yes. Thank you for those. And for yesterday. You’re always there to catch me, Hana. I owe you.”

“It’s ok. It’s what sisters are for, do you feel like going out for lunch? We can go to your place and get some clothes too?”

You nod silently into your cup of tea, then look around for your phone.

“You seen my phone?”

“You had it last night when you called work, maybe you left it upstairs? I’ll go get it for you.”

\---

The phone rang and rang, no one picked up.

“Come on…. pick up, mom”

Eventually she did. She never listens for her cell phone, it’s like she forgets the ringing comes out of her own handbag.

“Mom! Mom I don’t know what to do,” he cried over the phone.

“What’s up, son?”

“I woke up and she was gone. She left a note and her SIM card and she’s gone and I don’t know what to do,” tears were now falling down onto his hoodie.

“What do you… Song-hee? She can’t have….” his sobs cut her off, and she just couldn’t do much in the distance, “hang on, I’ll head over there.”

By the time she arrived, he had Eunni in hysterics, she was hungry and he didn’t know what to feed her. His mom took her off his arms, ran to the cupboard for something to warm up and told his son to sit down. She’s like a drill sergeant, gets things done.

Once Eunni was fed and back asleep, he allowed himself to fall to pieces in his mother’s arms.

The note just said “I can’t deal with this, you’re on your own. S”

His mother tried to imagine what could possess a mother to leave her toddler behind with her father, not giving a single clue as to where she went or how long she would be gone. The SIM card left behind was an obvious “Do Not Try Contacting Me” sign. Regardless of the arguments they had, couldn’t she have at least discussed the situation instead of just abandoning them?

Weeks went by with a tint of chaos and disorder. They reported her missing to the police, only to be told after a light investigation that if there’s a note it’s a voluntary disappearance, and if their accounts were not merged, there was no way for them to pry her whereabouts out of a bank.

They sat down with a lawyer and an accountant, worked out what could happen and what they could do. Luck was on Chanyeol’s side that a small tour back in their heyday had given him the money to purchase the apartment out right at the height of the housing market crash, so shelter wasn’t an issue, but the big question on his mind was: how could he be a father when he had barely been one since Eun-hee was born?

\--

Hana made her way upstairs into the guest bedroom and unplugged her sister’s phone from the charger. The screen automatically lit up, showing a notification bearing Chanyeol’s name.

She wished she could, in all honesty, erase it and prevent her from suffering any more harm. But obscurity leads to more pain, and in her heart of hearts she was still hopeful that they could work this out.

Hana handed you the phone and braced herself for the second you read his text:

“I can’t believe you would say those things”

\---

Italics////The previous night////

You just needed to get it off your chest. It hurt too much. You didn’t know it but your speech was slurred and your words were harsh.

“Chanyeol? Yeah. I’m at my sister’s. I am destroyed. I am angry with you, disappointed in you, and disappointed in myself for spending, no, wasting my time with you. How dare you take me for a fool? How dare you imply I don’t love Eunni because I’m not her mother? That kid is as dear to me as my own life. The one thing I regret about today is not saying goodbye to her.”

The second you hung up that phone you forgot what you said. You were too drunk. Whatever.

\---

“What did I do? Hana! What did I say?”

“I don’t know, you must have called him when you went to call work.”

You started crying again, but your sister, voice of reason, just said: “Why don’t you just confess you were drunk, you have no idea what you said, and apologize?”

3 hours later you had a text agreement to meet at the coffeehouse near his place. You waited by the window, your breath shallow and your hands shaking.

When he finally turned up and sat opposite you, you clenched your jaw to avoid bursting into tears. He was tired, sleepless, dark circles, dry skin, his shoulders didn’t carry him the same way and his entire demeanor was different. You wonder how you looked to his eyes.

“Hello,” you said.

“Hey.”

“I… How's Eunni?”

“She’s upset. Confused. Song-hee came over today and we had to discuss the situation. She cried all the time and then hid in her bedroom,” he mumbled.

You felt your throat close up at the thought of that woman in their apartment and how Eunni was scared without a shelter other than her father, who apparently needed shelter himself.

As you opened your mouth to say something, he continued, “she… she asked for you last night. It was hard to explain you weren't there. And your message didn’t help me after.”

“About that. I was a little drunk. I went to my sister’s for help and it got a little out of hand, and I don’t know what I said, I’m sorry, I don’t know what I said, I wish I could apologize for exactly what I said…” single tears fell down your cheeks, sincere apologies for whatever it was that you spat out last night in anger.

“I was ready to forgive you for what you said before you left, you know? But you said you …”

You cut him short, “forgive me? Hold up. I was the one who was hurt by your omissions. I was shuffled aside to care for your daughter, which I did gladly and with love, only to be told I was temporary and I didn’t know how to care for her. If anyone needs an apology for yesterday it’s me, I think.”

He took in a deep breath. “You said you wasted your time with me, you know?”

That’s about the farthest thing from the truth in your heart and you cursed yourself for ever being drunk and hurt enough to say something like that. You could feel bile rising up your throat in a violent way, as violent as your words.

“I’m sorry. I was…as I said, I was drunk. I don’t think I know what I was saying or doing, I was in too much pain, I think the whole situation escalated very quickly and I was not serene enough to deal with it.”

“Yeah well, you said it. And that the only thing you were sorry about was not saying goodbye to Eun-hee. I thought I meant more to you than that angry message.”

“You do! How could you think that?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ve got a lot to deal with in the coming weeks. Song-hee has agreed to a divorce, I’m asking for full custody and she can have some time with Eunni, hoping to get to know each other and all that…” you scoffed at his words, “what? What’s so weird about that?”

“Well for one, your daughter is scared of her mother and you’re about to give her access to her like it’s no big deal.”

He slammed his hand on the table.

“She is her mother. I can’t stop her from having access to her daughter. Not without a lot of legal proceedings and money I’m not wanting to waste, when the only thing I’ve wanted all along was a divorce.”

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, “I can only see it from Eunni’s perspective, she’s a loving and emotional kid.” You cleared your throat. “Where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know. I can’t think of that now. I’m dealing with an emotionally fragile kid going through something massive she can’t understand, and a weird person I no longer know getting back into my life, and I can’t think of myself or you at the moment.”

Your heart dropped to your feet, your soul floated out of your body, and you wondered for a second if you were really hearing this from the man you love.

“Are you… are you saying you don’t want to work on this together? You don’t want to work it out?”  



	14. Chapter 14

For someone who has been through therapy, you thought you were done with the floods of tears for things you can’t fix. You thought you had a rational mind who would not be swayed by reasons of love, but you also thought you had found real love. And that’s why this cut so deep.

The lack of answer to your question made your chest hurt and your stomach flip. He didn’t want to work it out, or at least he didn’t fight for it. You had wanted to see Eunni one more time to at least say goodbye, explain that you’re not going away forever, but he cut you off, he said it’d hurt more than you thought and that she couldn’t take any more confusion.

With barely a goodbye, fresh tears on your face and a stoic hug from him that felt more akin to a shove aside, you parted ways outside the coffee house you’ll never be able to visit again. The memory of this break-up would sting too much, bagels or no bagels.

What happened in the 24h since you last saw each other? How did the smile that made you fall in love turn into a sunken look?

You took an entire week off work. Holiday time. Usually you would stash holiday time for a big holiday abroad or when you needed to study - but you couldn’t care now, you wouldn’t care now. During that week you stayed at your sister’s, trying to play with your nephews in hopes of reminiscing the feelings that playing with Eunni would bring to your heart - a light, youthful, girly sensation, free of any pretense and full of love. Alas, boys will be boys and kicking and screaming wasn’t your flavor of play.

Eventually, the week would be over, and your feelings would return to normal. That’s what everyone said. But not everyone had Chanyeol in their life.

\---

He held his face strong and unemotional as you walked away. He didn’t know what hurt the most - the sudden intrusion of his ex in his life, her sudden revelation that he hadn’t told you about the marriage, the brutal reaction you had at this fact, your demands for explanations and at the same time, the outburst that happened before you had a chance to listen… it was all too much happening at once.

In the night after you left, he cried. He cried for you, he cried for the present time and how hurt his daughter was, he cried for the future he dreamed for the both of you, and he cried at his own stupidity for not letting you fully in - that’s what cost him your love and your presence in his life.

He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to explain to Eunni how her best friend wouldn’t be around anymore, and how to tell her that people sometimes can’t work it out even when they’re in love.

Your voicemail arrived as he was crying, he heard your words shortly after he regained some composure, and he broke down again at the drunken mention of “wasting time” with him.

Just like he did when Song-hee left, he called his mother for support. She didn’t entirely speak her mind when he told her the situation - she knew her son was in the wrong, hiding a huge part of life that can never be hidden from a potential life partner, and she wanted to smack him the minute she found out. However, she became his shoulder to cry on the morning after and, after his discussions with Song-hee, looked after Eunni to allow him the time to see you,the time she hoped he’d use to make things right.

But when he saw your face. Your face that once was vibrant, positive, his own smile’s reflection - your face was broken, hopeless and hurt. And that only hurt him more so, unable to break the cycle, he dug his heels in, shoved you aside in the process, and walked away unable to bear seeing you in pain he caused.

\--  
  
Seeing her had brought back too many memories. Memories of the time when they met, crazy young people in love, actually, in lust. Lazy days after wild nights, he had never felt as alive as he did with her. The uncertainty and the madness, how he could never guess where she was coming from, or what would happen.

Until one day, she said to him, “I’m late.”

They bought the test together and went to bed knowing that the next morning their bond would be put through an endurance test.

And the strip turned pink. While her world sank, his was beaming. Chanyeol had never thought he would like the thought of knowing he was about to become a father, and in a moment of madness, she agreed to continue with the pregnancy and even crazier, marry him.

He was in love with the idea of being in love, being married, having a family - but he didn’t have the experience to actually go through with it. As she stayed home, day after day getting bigger, he kept touring and playing, her pregnancy didn’t give her body a break and she was nauseous and tired for 9 months. Their schedules never synced up, to the point that she was sleeping while he was working, and he was hungover during the precious hours she wasn’t feeling dreadful or sleepy. She was alone. She started to feel neglected and regretful, but there was one day it all changed.

The first piercing cry Eun-hee let out after being born was loud, full of life and zest. She could do this. She would make him understand that fatherhood is more than making the baby. But it wasn’t easy. The coo-ing and finger holding got old for him, the going out continued, neglect mounted up.

Lack of love from your husband turns into lack of trust, and that breeds jealousy, but when jealousy leaves it’s more often than not due to lack of love towards your husband.

One day she looked around exhausted. She was angry at what her life had become, she was tired of asking him to be a father, tired of always being the parent, tired of being a wife, tired of not being herself.

It may be petty, and a dangerous game. But she never wanted to be tied down, never wanted to be a wife, never wanted to be a mother. Why was she even around?

\--

“Eunni, sweetie, we have to talk about this,” he said to her as she curled up into a ball on the far side of her bed, creating an emotional line she didn’t want him to cross.

“I don’t like her,” she sobbed.

“You don’t know her, sweetie. She’s your mom. A while ago you were wondering why she wasn’t there, and now that she is, you have to give her a chance to get to know you…” he tried so hard to keep the peace between these 2 females, each as stubborn as each other.

“I don’t want to.”

“Eunni, I know it’s difficult to understand what has happened. Let me talk to you about it, ok? Your mom left because she was unhappy with me,” he said, hoping that was the truth, because he can’t understand a person leaving their child behind otherwise, “and she’s taken time to forgive me. She came back very suddenly, I know her timing and approach was not the easiest, but she wants to know you, and she wants to play with you, and be a mom to you. And you probably have questions, and things you want to say to her.”

Her sobs had slowed down a little. He hoped he could create some peace in this situation, at least one of them had to reap something positive from this whole thing.

\--

“Son…” she rubbed his shoulders, barely recovered from a batch of tears, the second night she’s spending at his apartment, caring for a granddaughter more confused than her age should allow her to, and a son breaking apart.

“I was an idiot, mom,” he confessed.

“You… you were in love with how bright everything looked for a moment. You’ve been through hell and back for what, 3 years? I understand a moment of blindness, but you should have told her,” she couldn’t mince her words anymore. What he had done was up there with the worst lies and deceit he had put his mother and father through growing up. Except this time the one in pain was him, and the one he loves.

“What did Song-Hee say today?”

“She’s agreed to a no-contest divorce. We’ve been separated for 3 years, it should not be a problem. She wants to know Eunni, but Eunni is stubborn… she’s so much like her, it’s scary,” he laughs for a second, “I worry what them being in contact could bring for me as a father.” Tears made their way down his face again.

“She is her mother. She left abruptly and I have a few choice words to say about her and her ways, but if she wants to know her daughter, she has a right. However Eun-hee also has a right to be scared from someone she doesn’t know.”

“What have I done, mom? How do I fix this? I was a selfish person before and it cost me my marriage, and I am only lucky that I had a daughter to show me the way… but now? I don’t know how to fix this, she’s too disappointed.”

She rubbed his shoulders and thought, “maybe she’s the one who will show you the way again.”

\--

A week later

A mere 30 minutes after they left, the door rang.

Eunni was in tears. Song-hee brought her back home, and Chanyeol put her to bed to calm down for a while, then came out to speak to her mother.

“I.. I don’t know what happened. I think maybe going out has been a bad idea. She’s not ready to spend time alone with me,” she sounded defeated.

“She’s shy, she’s quiet. Until you really get to know her she’s not very outgoing, only with her school friends, a few of my friends…” he tried to make it sound easier on her, but the truth was, Song-hee had a very strong and dominant personality, and children need an easier hand.

Gosh if someone had told him 3 years ago that he would think and say these words, he would’ve laughed.

“Maybe next time you can be around too, Chanyeol?”

“That’s… not a good idea. She wondered where her mom was and why her mom and dad were not together. There has to be a distance between us or she’ll get even more confused, she’ll think we’ll be together,” he was trying to be firm and not let her drag him in. That was their demise.

“What do you suggest?,” she was running out of patience, he could tell the tone of her voice still after all these years. He ignored it back then, but he needed to reel it in for Eunni’s sake.

“Come over here next. Watch a movie, play with her. I’ll be around, I won’t interfere, but I think perhaps she’ll be more open in her own environment.”

\---

“Hey princess, you feeling better?”

He only heard her ‘oomph’ as a reply, trying to rebuff him.

“C’mon, give me some room here,” he pushed her further into the tiny bed, and tickling her in the process, finally eliciting a smile.

“Eunni, I know today was difficult. I want to say thank you for trying to go out with your mom, and I know it wasn’t too much fun. We spoke about it and next time…”

She interrupted him with a loud “NO”

“Honey, you have got to know your mother a little bit more before you cast her out. She’s your mom. She’s been away for a long time, and she wants to make an effort, make it up to you… give her a chance.”

“Are you??”

“Am I what? Giving her a chance? Eunni, I let her leave the house today with you. That’s the most trusting thing I can do for anyone in the world. You’re my treasure. She gets a chance, because she knows what she did was wrong and wants to make amends… you know, fix it.”

She was still silent. He poked her ribs a little, hoping to continue the conversation. But he wasn’t expecting what came out of her mouth.

“No dad, not her. I miss Y/N, doesn't she get a second chance?”


	15. Chapter 15

1 week

“I’m never doing that again,” you down your drink in one sip, “I swear. I’m hetero but I will swear off men if the next guy is like that.”

“Well, a random at a club may not give you all the best life can give, to be fair,” Jennie replied.

“Why did you make me come here? I need to wallow. Like Rory Gilmore. Then I’ll wake up refreshed and resolve to get over him,” you try to get the bartender's attention for another round while you continue talking, “if that ever happens.”

Your friend looks at you with that sad look. THAT sad look everyone has been giving you. The look that says “oh the love of your life dumped you.”

“Please stop,” you plead, “I don’t know how many more of those looks I can take. Can we also please go home? I’m not in the mood for dancing. I want to go home, wear flannel pj bottoms, a big sweater, and eat my body weight in ice cream and Doritos”

Jennie took a deep breath, grabbed your arm, and headed out the door.

Then at home she wore flannel, sweaters, and bought you snacks, because no one wallows alone.

\---

3 weeks

Eunni had started dreading weekends. He tried every trick under the book. Being in the room, being in the next room, playing his guitar to soothe her feelings, give her food, have grandma be there, go outside, stay inside.

Her tantrums continued being epic. For the 3 and a half years he has been a single parent, she has never cried out of character - she could be in pain, tired, upset… but she would never throw a tantrum. She’d cry, ask for hugs, need her father. Now there is no calming her down, no soothing the situation. It’s full-on, aggressive, and unrecognizable.

He wished he could just say “this is not happening anymore” and cut Song-hee out of his life entirely just to avoid this, but there is a part of him that wants to believe she changed, a part that knows she should get to know their daughter, and that Eun-hee should get to know her mother. And another part of him just wants the pain to stop. It’s become a rollercoaster. Monday is a hangover. Tuesday to Thursday it’s smooth sailing. Friday is a twitch. Saturday or Sunday (depending on the visit day) is a scream, pounding heart, and knotted stomach.

Chanyeol must admit, Song-hee was taking the punches in and just showing the other cheek. The volatile bratty rebel he had once fallen for had a new air of self-control, and he knew without this change she couldn’t have dealt with these outbursts. To add insult to injury, she’s the one Eunni takes after in terms of tantrums and temper.

On this particular day, he was reading on the balcony while the two of them played princess party. He could hear Eunni tell her off, how she’s not doing things right, and the tone of voice was escalating until he couldn’t take anymore.

“Eun-hee. Show your mother some respect,” he said out loud from the balcony. Song-hee was far from his favorite person but he hated the tone his daughter had developed in the latest weeks, and he wasn’t going to tolerate it, directed to her mother or anyone else.

An hour or so after, she went to hide in the bedroom before Chanyeol could even ask her to hug her mother goodbye.

“Thank you,” the young mother said, “I appreciate it.”

“Past actions notwithstanding, that’s not a voice I want my… sorry, our daughter to employ. She shouldn’t talk to you like that.”

“It’ll be easier. At least I hope it’ll get easier,” she said grabbing her handbag.

\---

6 weeks

“What am I looking for? Males. Ages… 24-35? That seems wide. Oh gosh do I have to do this?,” you’re begging your friend with your best puppy eyes impression.

“Honey if you don’t get out there you won’t get over him!!” Ani kept pushing your buttons during breaks at work.

“But online dating?? I’m scared that I’ll end up kidnapped by a weirdo who’ll keep me in an attic with 16 cats!!”

“I met my ex online, shut up!” One of the techs nearby chimed in.

When you were alone again, you closed the tab on the computer.

“I can’t, Ani,” you relented, “I know you mean well, but I’m still too sad and I’m in no shape to date.”

She looked at you with understanding behind her gaze, “I get what you say. When you’re ready, my beau has some single friends. We can try the double date thing, how about that??”

Home alone, hours after work, you started thinking about the situation as you cooked dinner. A year ago you were perfectly happy with your life. You were single, had (still have) a great career, good job, nice future opportunities, a good bunch of reliable friends, healthy family, and the same apartment you are standing on right now. What happened to it that made you feel so empty now?

Everything was the same, except you. Your entire vision of the future was skewed by Chanyeol. Even thinking of his name made your stomach drop to your feet, like your entire nervous system had unraveled around your ankles. Where in the past you had only thought of yourself and your path, now you found yourself thinking about the possibility of marriage, about children, and sharing life with a loved one.

It had been so close, you touched it with your fingertips. The guilt you felt for not letting him room to breathe during the shake-up invaded your senses until you shrugged your shoulders and shook the feelings off.

Is that what you wanted? A family? Were you finally being bitten by the bug that you mocked your sister for?

“Hana, I need help,” you said as soon as she picked up the phone.

“Ok, whats up?”

“I’m a mess, I’m spiraling and I think I want a family,” there, you said it all in one go.

“Sis… is this about…”

You cut her off before she could continue, “don't say his name.”

“I think you’re missing a part of your life that was very intense and very meaningful, and you are looking for things that may be related to them. It’s a shade left of bargaining, but you’re making progress,” she tallied.

“Don’t psychobabble me!”

“I’m serious. You were in denial, you got angry, now you’re bargaining, soon you’ll be depressed - I expect that one to be great, by the way,” she laughed, “and then you’ll accept it and move on for good.”

She had not heard the tears falling down your cheeks until she stopped talking.

“Baby sister… I know it’s hard,” she felt so guilty for her blasé comments, “I’m not diminishing your feelings, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, it’s ok,” you sobbed a little and breathed in deeply, “I just miss him so much.”

\---

September

The steps that seemed so tall and big as he approached the building felt like a 2-foot long slide as he left.

He had just signed the papers to make the divorce official and the weight that had been slinging over his shoulders for close to 4 years now was over. Song-hee trailed behind him stuffing papers in her bag and, at the bottom of the steps, they stopped and looked at each other.

“Chanyeol,” she started, “please let me say something, I know you’ll have lots to say against it but please let me get through this.”

He nodded and made a waving motion with his hand as if to say, go on.

“I left in anger. I was so angry with you, and angry with the situation. I didn’t want to get pregnant so young and I didn’t want to be pregnant with the child of someone I barely knew. We tried to do the right thing, we got married thinking it’d solve the problem, and I appreciate the effort it took on your part. But I felt so alone throughout our marriage. I felt unappreciated, and alone. The way I did things wasn’t the best, but you know I am hot-headed, and I did it thinking the sooner I got out of the way, the less we would damage the kid,” she swallowed deeply, “I’ve done a lot of soul searching in the last years. I recognize you were in love with the persona I portrayed, and I wasn’t in love. I apologize for that. I apologize also for portraying myself in a way that got you to love me, but I never allowed you to know the real me.”

He stood silently, unable to say anything until she said it was okay to do so.

“And I know it hurt Eunni. I am so sorry for the hurt it caused her. You could understand in some way, but she couldn’t, and the last weeks meeting her, I know it’s been so hard for her to accept the differences. You’ve done a far better job of parenting her than I thought you ever would. A better job than I could’ve done. I can’t ask you to forgive me, but I ask that you allow me to know her the way that you’ve done. You’ve extended an open door to her that I have no right to claim, and I appreciate how understanding and open you’ve been,” she was crying now, perhaps finally letting go of the weight she had been carrying over years on her shoulders, weight caused by mistakes and domino effect issues that could’ve stopped if only they had been more mature about the problems.

The open and raw confession and amends made him cry. He had never really figured it out, and now that she had laid it out for him, it was so clear. Back in the days, he was immature, hot-headed, and impulsive. He didn’t pay her any mind other than the lust that ran through his veins. He hurt her like she hurt him.

But through it all, the one person who never deserved to be hurt is their daughter. And they both needed to fix that.

He hugged her one last time. And then he spoke, “You will never have a closed door to access our daughter. She’s not responsible for any of this and she shouldn’t suffer your absence any more than she already has. If you want to know her, you can. I will never close that door for you. I forgive what you did to me, if you forgive what I did to you during our marriage.”

Just like that, years of anger, doubt, and negative self-esteem, began to heal.

\---

October

As summer turned to fall, green turned to brown and leaves hit the ground. It was time to take the woollies out of storage, dust off the boots, and dread getting up and out of under the covers.

Your end of summer was unremarkable. Work. Sign up for more classes. Some nights out with friends who tried to get you together with half of the city, and none of the suitors were acceptable for you. While you slowly stopped crying for a lost cause, your heart still weighed heavy with the loss, but you maintained hope that what happened once can happen again - you were just certain it was not going to happen at a nightclub with a random guy pouring drinks down your throat.

Those late afternoon drinks with your sister had to come to an end, since she was back at work, but on the bright side, this summer had allowed you time to better know your nephews, so whenever you had Sundays off you attended the family lunch. Today you had to bring dessert, and after a huge meal, the youngest boy asked you to come over to the school carnival for Halloween at the end of the month.

Apparently they were putting together a function, the class was going to have a play about some singing pumpkins and sad ghosts - he was one of the ghosts - and he wanted you to come badly, since his father would be out of town. Once you accepted his invitation, your sister stirred her coffee slowly, cocking an eyebrow.

“What?,” you asked.

“Nothing. A year ago you would’ve had nothing to do with your nephews. I’m pleased to see the change, that’s all,” she coyly said, leaving you to wonder if that was really all there was to be said.

On the day of the event, you arrived early and looked for your sister, and of course, being staff she had seats saved for her plus one on the front row.

“Ok, Y/N… don’t hate me,” she said biting her lip as she sat down next to you.

“Why would I?,” you held her hand in great spirits, the excitement of the students was in high gear and it felt contagious in the air.

“You do know this is not just your nephew’s class, right?”

Your face fell at the realization that you had not put two and two together until now. As you were about to open your mouth to complain the lights went off and curtain opened.

“My grade is next. Hers is following mine. I knew how much my boy wanted you here. If I had told you I was sure you wouldn’t come. Your nephew’s grade is on 5th place. Please please please stay,” she whispered.

You looked at her and took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t do that to him,” you promised, even if, in your heart of hearts, you knew the minute you saw Eunni your heart would explode.

Hana got up and went to the sidelines to get her class ready to go. Of course her concept was all about animals. The girls were cats and the boys were fish, and it went without a glitch. Regardless of your current emotional state, you congratulated her on the good performance as soon as she sat down, then took a deep breath, knowing you were about to see a face you hadn’t seen in months.

In the dark, you could even pinpoint which were her feet before the light hit the stage. It tugged at your heart to know her little figure and demeanor were so embedded in your soul that you’d be able to see her anywhere.

As expected of a grade so young, coordination was not perfect, but it was extremely cute. The classroom stood in formation to bow to the crowd and you saw her little arms waving towards the back, but you did not dare move your head. And then she saw you. Her classmates still bowing and waving, she was frozen on the spot, a slight sad look in her eyes when they locked on yours. Unable to hold back you felt a tear come down.

You waved your hand at her and gave her a thumbs up, hoping she’d return to normal, not wanting the person she was waving at - mother? Grandmother? Him? - to notice the difference in her presence, however she waved her hand back even if her face remained sad. When they left the stage you rummaged through your bag, you needed a tissue.

“She’s doing really good, sis,” Hana said next to you, “smart, good in class, healthy… I know you never want to ask, but you know you can ask me.”

“Shut up I need to recover before your kid goes on stage.”

One more grade came and went, then your nephew’s torn sheet costume went on stage, sang a song about sad Halloween, you clapped furiously for him, cried some more, and remained on your seat for the rest of the performances - at least in presence, because your mind was honestly somewhere else.

At the end, all of the classrooms did a parade on the stage, everyone clapped and gathered their belongings to leave. You remained seated, hoping that, if everyone left, you could stay, help your sister out tidying up, and avoid the unavoidable.

“Walk your nephew out, mom just arrived with the car, she’ll take him home,” Hana asked of you.

It had been 30 minutes since the end of the performance. Hopefully that would be long enough. Surely that would be long enough. You gave your mom a hug, fastened your nephew’s seatbelt and promised to take him out for a burger at the weekend to celebrate.

Then you heard your name.

“Y/N!!!!,” you turned around to see Eunni running towards you, then crashing into your legs, “I knew you would come out!”

You kneeled on the ground and gave the little lady a hug, appreciating for a second the taller inches, the longer hair, the more defined face.

“How are you, sweetie?,” you wanted to know everything, but your heart wanted to run away.

“Okay. I missed you,” she confessed, making sure to ruin you before you had a chance to live through this.

“I missed you too, Eunni…” you were lost for words, not sure what to say, what to ask, looking into her face to try and make up for the goodbye you never said but then the voice to your side shook you to your core.

“Hi.”

You looked up from your kneeled position, still holding Eunni’s hands, to see the face of someone you once loved. A little thinner, maybe it was the shorter hair, his scent still potently invading your senses, and your heart flipping, making sure to tell you you’re not over this.

“Hey,” you greeted back in a low voice, then stood up, dusted your knees off and tickled Eunni’s head, because she was still stuck to your legs.

The awkward silence that followed made him blush and giggle that nervous smile that you knew so well.

“I guess you haven’t changed much,” you commented.

“Not much,” he ran his fingers through his hair, “actually that’s a lie. A lot has changed.”

“For good?”

“Yeah I think so.”

“That’s good…” you were locked into the most embarrassing conversation between two talkative people. Once upon a time you couldn’t stop talking to each other. Back when you would take lazy mornings in bed to read books and discuss them. Chat about nothing while cooking.

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out.

“Oh yeah you probably have to go, sorry,” you quickly apologized for taking their time.

“No. I’m sorry. About… wait,” he grabbed Eunni and put her in the car, where you could see his mom sitting on the passenger seat, waving at you.

He returned.

“I’m sorry about the mess I made. I behaved like an awful selfish person. Seeing Song-hee return like that turned me into the person I was in the past, and I shouldn’t have done that to you,” his eyes were so open and yours were so blurry with possible tears at his words. “The last months have been horrible. That thing you just saw? That’s the happiest Eunni has been in months.”

“I haven’t had a great time either, Chanyeol,” you had to tell him, you couldn’t fake it.

“I’m not saying we can go back to what we were right now, but, maybe, can we just… sit and talk? I just need to tell you everything, this time it will be everything, and I can hopefully fix some of what I broke?,” his voice did that thing, that thing that got you every time, when you knew he was vulnerable, when you knew he was scared of what he was saying, of the effect your response could be.

“I would like that,” you replied quickly. This was more than you bargained for when you woke up today and you were not about to start playing a game of cat and mouse when you could potentially find your way back to happiness.

“I missed you, she missed you,” he softly said, safe in the feeling that you had opened a door for him.

“I missed you both.”

“Saturday, 11am, our usual spot?,” he asked, knowing the place you first randomly met at, your study coffee house, is the spot.

Your smile was his reply and his promise of a possible return to your arms.

\---

Upstairs in the classroom, Hana’s phone pinged with a text message after she saw you walk away from him and towards the building.

“Thank you for helping me fix it.”

“You’re welcome, Chanyeol. Don’t break my sister again, ok


	16. Epilogue

“Eunni!! Come on and get moving, we’ll be late!!,” you scream towards upstairs hoping she’ll hurry up. The closer she gets to being a teenager the closer you are to losing your mind.

“One day you should leave without her,” Chanyeol says from the breakfast table as he munches cereal.

“She may not have inherited your ears but she inherited your lack of time management skills...Eunniiiiiiiii!!”

“Ok ok ok I’m here,” she trots down the stairs, pushing her fringe out of her face and, for a second, you’re reminded of the kid you first met.

She barely reached your waist back then, her little pigtails looked cute (and were about the only hairstyle Chanyeol could manage), and her bright disposition always made eyes focus on her wherever she went. Now… Now she’s up to your shoulders, pigtails are a long braid to the side (Chanyeol isn’t allowed to touch her hair anymore), and that bright disposition is turning into a magnetic pull that makes you fear her teenage years.

“Dad, can I go hang out with my friends at the cafe after school?”

Chanyeol looks at you, knowing he’s got a late night and won’t be the one picking her up. “Ask her, I’m not home until midnight probably.”

“Y/N… please??” She pleads with begging eyes, knowing full well you’ve been a sucker for her from the start.

“Yeah sure, I’ve an appointment after work anyway, so I’ll text you when I’m done. Don’t make me wait outside with the car running, though, ok?,” if her time management sucks at home, with friends it’s worse.

“Thanks!!,” she beams out and grabs her school bag running towards the garage door.

“Look at you being all mother knows best,” he mocks.

You look around to see if there’s anything you can throw at him as punishment, and finding nothing, you just retort “shut up, she has one already, I’m the cool one, not the responsible one.”

“Whatever you say… you’re the one in here, so you should be the responsible one!! By the way I cleared up Saturday, I can go do the whole horse and cow thing with you both,” he says, getting up and dropping the bowl in the sink. The farm weekend is coming up, you’re meant to chaperone a group of 9-12 year old kids to a visit to a farm, part of the Vet Life program at work for kids to engage more into life sciences.

Eunni has been attending since she was 6, and her love for the animals hasn’t gone away. You even caught a non-fiction library book she had checked out about life as a vet… as if she couldn’t just ask you.

“Thanks, she’ll love having you around. That’s it, I have to get going!,” you kiss him lightly on the lips as he holds you for a second and whispers “I love you both” in your ear.

\---

As you’re driving away with Eunni and remind her of the weekend in case she wants to tell her friends about it, you’re reminded that you never spoke about last weekend.

“Eun-hee, how was Sunday? I haven’t had a minute to ask you,” you drop as if it’s no big deal.

“Eh,” she’s texting and only paying you half of her attention, “it was alright.”

“Only alright?”

She sighs and puts her phone away. “I mean, it’s just… she’s trying to be all cool and stuff, and it’s just weird. Like, she took me to this make-up store, and this clothes store, and I don’t know how to tell her I’m not into make-up or showing my belly button.”

Song-hee is, presumably, reading about what teenagers are into according to some women’s magazine, and “how to be the cool mom your kid trusts”.

“Well, you can always just tell her what you like and don’t like… Did you see your brother?”

“He’s not my brother,” she rebuffs.

“Eunni. He is, don’t be mean to the child, your mom would really like for you to get to know him and be a nice big sister for him.”

“Whatever.”

Oh joy. The first Whatever. Chanyeol will be proud. You squeeze Eunni’s hand between gear changes and try to convey in a single touch that you’re not judging, that you’re not cornering her opinions, that she needs to open up to the new side of her other family.

“Is it that she took you to those places before you asked to go?,” you try to suss out the reasons behind the odd weekend outing.

“I just didn’t like the places. Everyone at that make-up shop looked so… I mean, they’re your age, they’re not old, but they were old. And the shop was just… I didn’t like it.”

So instead of Claire’s she took her to Sephora, and instead of the cool place playing all the loud music she got taken to some store catering to 40 year old cougar mom.

“Eunni, you know your mother is a very dominant and opinionated person, but fortunately for you, so are you! Tell her where you want to go next time, ok?,” you’ve lost count of the times you’ve mediated this fight.

“Like… I do want make-up, and I want clothes… but can’t you take me?”

“Sure,” you answer, driving into the parking lot, “if we finish early at the farm and we don’t smell of cow dung, we can go on Saturday.”

“Ew, Y/N. Sometimes you’re so gross,” she kisses your cheek and leaves the car.

As you see her walk away you wonder if she sees you more as a friend than her father’s other half, even if Chanyeol has told her a million times that as far as he’s concerned, you are like her mother and she should treat you as such.

\---

  
“Apparently Song-hee took her to some places she didn’t like, and that’s what the Sunday night strop was about,” you say to Chanyeol as you wait.

“I should talk to her…”

“Nah, leave it. I think she can get her own words across next time around, and, by the way….,’ you smile as you look at him, “be proud of your girl. She flipped me her very first Whatever.”

“My baby, so grown up,” he rolls his eyes.

“It’s ok. We’ll take it step by step. She’s a good kid. I just think Song-hee needs to not try as hard. She just had the baby 7 months ago, it may just be worth Eunni going to their place next time, trying to get to know the baby, and some quiet time… god knows where she’ll take her next if the first time didn’t work out.”

He makes a face, and you show concern which makes him say, “I don’t like that she doesn’t want to know her brother. It’s… I don’t know, it worries me,” he shakes his head as if he could just have the bad thoughts spill out of his ears.

“It’ll be fine…” you were about to continue but your name is called so you go inside.

\---

When the lights turn back on, the technician gives you some tissues and privacy to gather yourself together before heading to the office next door.

“Well, seems like we’re all on track, Y/N,” the doctor says, “Blood tests came normal, all scans are good. Any sickness? Anything weird going on with your body?”

“No, I’m fine. I need to start keeping away from some things at work though, and I’m starting to not fit in some clothes, so eventually I’ll have to come clean, but I guess it’s ok?,” you look to Chanyeol for reassurance but his eyes are big as saucers on the black and white blurry image on the table. You slap him on the thigh to get him out of the trance.

“Oh yeah, uh,... what?”

The doctor laughs and continues, “well, second trimester. You can start telling people. Everything is healthy and normal, so unless you want to know the sex of the baby, we can stop here?”

“Do you want to know?,” you ask Chanyeol.

“Do you?,” he asks of you.

“Surprise?,” you suggest.

“Yeah we’ll go for surprise. It was a surprise to begin with, so we’ll just keep the trend up,” he smiles.

\---

“When do you want to tell her?,” he asks as you drive him back to work.

“No idea. We should be together though, don’t leave me to do this alone, you scurry away at the littlest of disruptive talk!”

“Ok ok I promise not to come up with an excuse… do you think she’ll take it ok? I am worried that she’ll throw a tantrum about it like she did with her brother,” he confesses.

“Well we can only do our best!,” you enthusiastically say as you park the car.

“Get out of the car for a minute,” he says.

You do so, but wonder what the hell got into him. He hugs you tight, kisses your hair, and with both hands grabbing your face he looks into your eyes.

“I’m not going to fuck this up this time, you know that, right?”

You nod, “it’s been like 6 years since your last fuck-up and you also did your amends in a parking lot. What’s with you and parking lots???”

“Stop it. I’m serious,” he means his words, by the look in his eyes.

“I know you are.”

“You sure you don’t want to do that thing you said you didn’t want to do?”

“I don’t need it,” you reply.

“But do you want it? Because I will marry you. I’ll do anything for you, you know it.”

“I know it, Chanyeol, I know it,” you say, hugging him.

“Ok… I’ve to go inside,” he tells you. Then he kisses your hair again, and, just like he’s done every morning and night for the last 5 weeks, he says, “I love you both.”

 


End file.
